


M • Y • L • M

by monolaytrist



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hospital, Doctor Kim Junmyeon | Suho, If you don't want angst and don't wanna see sulay ugly crying this fic is not for you, M/M, Slow Burn with Slow Updates, baekxing are best friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2020-09-26 06:57:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 31,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20385559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monolaytrist/pseuds/monolaytrist
Summary: Yixing had always admired Junmyeon—a successful doctor working in one of the oldest and biggest hospitals in South Korea. Junmyeon had a dream to be the best in his chosen specialization, motivating Yixing to dream high and work harder for his dream of becoming a writer, too. But what would happen if the circumstances no longer allowed for such intended pursuits?





	1. make you love me

**Author's Note:**

> ••• Another story summoned from the depths of my draft box.  
••• This story is fictional and with one of the main characters working as a doctor—note that any medical procedures and terms mentioned in this story may not reflect current standards (i.e. accuracy of content). Do not use this story as a basis to write your hospital!au for your otp; research on your own to avoid trouble.  
••• Us the Duo's Make You Love Me and ZYX's MYM are the inspirations for the title of this story.  
••• Many thanks to Noodles who helped me edit this story as well!
> 
> * * *
> 
>   
****   
Do not copy and/or translate any part of my work and claim as your own. Click [here](https://www.plagiarism.org/article/what-is-plagiarism) to know what plagiarism is and why it is wrong. Be a decent content creator for your otp.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
****   
**TW! Violence**   


It had been more than two weeks and two days since Yixing last felt the relief of receiving a text message. His untouched grilled cheese sandwiches and two cups of coffee had gone cold, unremoved from the tray. Beside it, his copy of 1984, bookmark peeking from almost halfway through the book, remained close. What remained open was the messaging app on his phone, and probably his hopeful expression as he looked at the people passing by outside the café. If he could make Winston wait by not reading the book, then maybe Yixing could make himself stay in his seat for another five minutes or ten. Maybe if he did, the person he had been waiting for would arrive and they could finally have their breakfast.

But he had been thinking and doing the same for the past two weeks and two days. And like the days prior, nothing changed. A stranger had already occupied the stool to his left, either talking to their phone or reading the newspaper, or both. People had started to fill the streets outside as his wristwatch moved its minute hand to 30 past 8. Mr. Jung had already arrived by the storefront of the book shop across the street for another day of opening, and that meant another day of storekeeping for Yixing.

He did not want to leave his chair, still hoping that it could be a different day from the rest, but his job was waiting for him as Mr. Jung finished pushing the sliding grille of the store aside.

After taking a last look at his phone, he picked up his tray to bring it to the counter for take away and bagged his book. The barista was kind enough to just smile at him, not asking the question she had asked Yixing days ago about the person, when his bag of cold breakfast was announced to be ready. He forced himself to smile back and bowed as thanks, the soft jazz music from the stereo softening and ending with a few chimes from the bell of the café door upon his exit. 

It was the glare of the morning sun and the noise of the busy street that soon greeted him, making him squint his eyes a bit and pause before heading to the busy pedestrian lane—a reminder that reality could effortlessly be chaotic and harsh even for him, whose day had barely started.

| • • • |

Yixing had been sitting in the lobby for already almost half an hour when his hesitation struck with force which made him want his legs to build a mind of their own and bolt out of the place fast. When he first thought about visiting the person at work and bringing them food earlier, it seemed like it was a nice thing to do. He even asked Baekhyun, his flat mate, for second opinion after he got home from uni. The younger was of course supportive, calling it a natural thing to do for a person who cared about their relationship. Those were enough to even send his brain humming pop songs in his head on the way.

There was also the question in the form of two tickets to Changsha for next week that he had been meaning to ask. His mom had been asking about it during her calls since he told her his plan since a month ago. Yixing informed her of the person's work, of course, and that there was no reassurance he could bring him with him to visit. But she remained hopeful with him, even nagging him to go and ask, and during those times, he wanted to tell her he would have long asked if only asking was as easy.

It wasn't—especially not for him who had a lot of other questions he wanted to ask. The who and why of an answered phone call from days ago, for example. Or the what and why of all the ignored messages and unshared breakfasts. There were a lot of things Yixing wanted answers for, and these might be too much to bring to the table for his visit tonight, when the person especially requested him to never mix personal and work, more so if it was during work.

He took a look at his watch and guessed that it was the right time to leave. It was the acceptable action compared to the questionable ones he had decided on so far. He could just do what he had been doing for the past days and wait for the other's answer.

Noticing his untied shoelaces before standing from his seat, he put aside his bag of take away meals and knotted them. He was checking his other shoe when while hunching, a shadow loomed and darkened his view.

A pair of black sneakers appeared in his periphery and when he looked up, an unsmiling, familiar face of a man greeted him.

Yixing immediately straightened up as if caught doing mischief. He gave a bow and tried to find the words to say as he tried his hardest not to gawk at the other in black scrubs and white coat. Nothing screamed authority as much as his boyfriend wearing a doctor's uniform. 

“What are you doing here?” Junmyeon asked, giving Yixing a once-over and an unreadable expression after.

“I decided to see you,” he answered and forced out a smile, hoping it would lighten the stifling mood. “I haven't heard from you for days. Can we talk?”

The doctor's gaze momentarily relaxed as he let out a breath. “My break is short, though. What is it?” he asked.

It was about them and a lot of things, Yixing wanted to say, but with the little time he was granted, he could only talk about the most important thought he had for weeks.

"I've been worried. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay," he admitted, showing his bag of takeaway for the other to take, and continued, “Have you eaten? I brought dinner.”

He held his breath as Junmyeon slowly accepted the bag from him. It was a meal for the two of them but with the other's countenance since he saw Yixing, getting a meal together would be asking for too much.

“Thank you,” said Junmyeon, the expression on his face making Yixing want to look away with how hard and cold it was.

Probably it was a silent plea from the doctor for him to leave, and he understood that. He should already be relieved and contented that Junmyeon was doing fine at least.

“I might have brought a lot, so if you can't finish it, keep it in the fridge—" Yixing's words hung as Junmyeon's attention was caught by a woman, another person with the same white coat, who approached and pulled on his sleeve while she struggled to briefly hold a big bag of food delivery with her other arm.

“I got the orders,” she told Junmyeon, her wide smile on her small pretty face was difficult to ignore. She gave Yixing a small bow when she noticed him and returned to Junmyeon to ask, “We'll wait for you in the pantry?”

Her soft, melodic voice was only familiar to Yixing at first. But upon hearing it again, his eyes could not help but stare—at her face, at her—and stop himself from cursing out loud. He didn't have to search and think so hard, though, for the answers were exactly what was right in front of him.

A beautiful, successful doctor: that was who Bae Joohyun was. And the why? The answer to his why was easily found but difficult to accept. Looking at Junmyeon then, his attention on the other doctor, felt suffocating.

He barely heard their brief exchange as he reminded himself to breathe. His gaze chose to settle on the whiteness of Junmyeon's coat, its lack of color calming him down. ‘I'll be leaving,’ he repeated in his head in the most even tone he could hear himself say but all the thoughts and emotions he had been keeping at bay came crashing the moment he heard Junmyeon's words towards the woman.

“I'll just see my friend off first.”

Yixing's vision shook and everything around him went silent as he watched Dr. Bae Joohyun walk away. In his periphery, Junmyeon had turned to look at him again, but Yixing continued staring at the woman's retreating figure, waiting until he could again hear the noise around him.

“Is Dr. Bae a friend of yours, too?” he asked, his voice weaker than he intended. 

When no answer came his way, he decided to finally look at the person in front of him, and repeated, “Is she, Junmyeon?”

Junmyeon's confusion disappeared fast as Yixing watched how the other contained his ire.

“She is just a friend,” answered the doctor, his tone indignant.

Of course, Yixing smiled bitterly at that. “Are you two friendly like we do?” he questioned, his throat closing up from all the pent up worry and frustration from the past days. “Must be, right? She even answers your calls for you. You should have let her reply to my messages, too.”

Junmyeon was clearly affronted, his stare so piercing even if the rest of his face was without any hint of emotion. “If you are here just to accuse me of cheating, I have no time for it,” he warned Yixing.

“Then let me understand why—of all those days I was left wondering and worrying about you—I didn't get any response while you—” He couldn't bring himself to continue voicing out his thoughts.

His fear caught him and Junmyeon glaring only made it stronger.

“Can you fault me for thinking this way when you've been ignoring me for weeks?” Yixing asked.

Another sigh escaped Junmyeon who soon shook his head and looked squarely at him. “I don't want to have this conversation with you right now,” he said.

“Why can't we? I don't want another day to end with us being this way—”

“I don't want my career to end just because you're being this way!" Junmyeon returned with a voice which made Yixing flinch. "You have to understand that my work is already tiring. I can get tired, too, Yixing, and you're not helping with anything when you're calling attention to us like this!”

Junmyeon took some breaths in as Yixing's eyes rounded in shock to what was exchanged between them.

Yixing could only stare at him mutely as his legs urged him to move.

“Yixing,” Junmyeon placated. “I think it's better if we—”

“I understand,” Yixing interrupted, choosing not to hear the most painful jab by stepping back. He nodded to Junmyeon to assure him that he got the message and bowed.

“I'll leave now. I'm sorry,” he said and left the lobby as fast as his legs could let him.

Junmyeon's words blared on repeat in his head, his walking pace matching its speed as he passed by lampposts in his blurry gaze. It was a bad idea, he should have stuck with his original plan and not convinced himself otherwise. If he had patiently waited and stayed away like he should, it wouldn't have ended. If he pretended he didn't know about Bae Joohyun, Junmyeon wouldn't have been mad. If he just—

Tears spilled on the cobbled path as Yixing bumped into a stranger in his haste after reaching the top of the stair path. There weren't much people around, but the few passersby stopped to look when the other person cursed loudly at him. He apologized, but it was drowned by his already shaking voice and the stranger's shouting.

It didn't help that the person had two other friends with him, and when Yixing tried to bow and apologize again, he only fell on his knees when one of the men kicked him on the side. The resulting cough when air was almost knocked out of him must be entertaining, because the three people looking down on him only chuckled derisively.

“Sounds better than his half-assed apology,” one of them slurred, and the way they all stank of cigarette smoke and alcohol only made Yixing regret his luck.

He held his side and stood up, thinking the drunks were done, only to be pulled back by his jacket and punched in the face. It was a fast, strong hit, enough for the dim lights to momentarily go dark on him as he staggered back and shakily feel his busted lip. A hit landed on his gut, a punch or a kick, he could no longer tell as he was soon back on the ground, crouching, while the man who did so screamed. There was no time for him to moan the pain when another hit him on the head that made him see stars in the darkness.

Yixing lost count how many more he got as a shrill sound slowed down the attacks and he soon found himself breathing air which was no longer rancid. He thought he was having the worst night after leaving the hospital, but being ganged up by drunkards just took the cake. He was lying still, trying to stop himself from crying, when bright yellow light flooded his vision.

He pushed himself to sit up only to be greeted by a worried look of a middle-aged uncle in a guard uniform.

“Hey kid, are you okay?” the man asked. Yixing could only nod as he fought the whimper threatening to escape from him with how painful it was to move. “You were not answering so I was ready to call an ambulance.”

“Uncle, there's no need,” he said, only to be held steady as his legs weakened in his attempt to stand.

“You're bleeding.” The man gestured to his face and offered his handkerchief. “Do you know those men?”

Yixing shook his head as he accepted the cloth. He knew it would take a while for his bleeding to stop and he needed to go home without the problem of spooking other people on the way. Luckily, amongst his mound of ill luck, he was wearing a hoodie to partially cover his head with.

“It's just not my night tonight, I guess,” he said as he hobbled while being supported towards the well-lit part of the street.

After thanking the kind man and promising to return with a new handkerchief, he continued on his way and walked two blocks until his battered body convinced him to ride a cab for the remaining nine. The driver gave him a wary glance once from the rear-view mirror, but the trip remained silent that Yixing decided to hand his 5000 Won bill and refuse the change. 

It took him some time to slot his key and enter their apartment, the electronic music playing from their small living room and the occasional bop bop sound meant Baekhyun was still playing a video game. Trying to take off his shoes by the door was impossible and dangerous at that moment, so he brought himself to sit on the couch beside his flatmate.

“Hyung, Peach Credits is releasing a new PC ga—WHOA what happened?” Baekhyun exclaimed, totally forgetting the screen and the resulting game over notice flashed.

Yixing was in the middle of bending to reach his shoes and untying his shoelaces, and doing so was already taking a lot of effort for him to not groan in pain. His hand moved to gesture for the other to wait as he tried to slip a foot free.

“Your boyfriend didn't do that, did he?” the younger gasped while Yixing's face was twisting for a chuckle too painful to produce.

Junmyeon would probably opt to wipe all of his patients' butts than be seen touching Yixing in public. A simple pat on the arm would make the guy flinch, and they only held hands once, out of the four months they dated and that was in a movie house where it was almost empty and dark. 

“I got attacked near Hyehwa,” he answered, finally being able to drape himself on the comfortable chair after successfully removing his footwear.

“What the hell?! By who?”

“By a group of drunkards I was unlucky to bump into on the way.” Yixing sighed as he blankly stared at the TV screen. He still needed to clean himself up but he also needed the rest.

Baekhyun picked up his empty glass from their coffee table and left for the kitchen. “Do you remember their faces? Have you reported them?” he asked loudly as water ran from the kitchen sink and stopped, followed by a dull thud of the fridge door.

“I couldn't really tell their faces in the dark. But a guard from the nearby store noticed and helped me out,” he answered as the younger returned with a towel-wrapped ice pack. When instead of bringing it to his face he brought it to his stomach, Baekhyun's face only grew more worried and asked him to take his hoodie off.

It was an effortful moving and a bit of stretching for Yixing to get undressed and they soon agreed to hold back the expletives and only stare in silence at the state of Yixing's lower torso. No wonder it hurt a lot. He had always liked strawberries and cream ever since he was a kid but never like this. There were angry red patches scattered on his skin and Yixing was sort of afraid that if he were to apply a bit of pressure on them, the pores on his skin would be wide enough for blood to seep through.

"You cooking red velvet there, hyung?" Baekhyun's quip pulled Yixing out of his thoughts, the younger's helpless smile making the situation less worrisome. If the bruises were much bigger and darker, Yixing would probably be dead by then.

He forced a smile, wincing when the cut on his lower lip stung. Baekhyun was soon asking, “Are you sure you'll be fine?” and gaining another small nod from him.

“I'll go get a towel and basin for you to wash so we can treat your wounds,” the younger said after a moment of watching him.

Aside from the countless bruises blooming on his skin, he got a cut on his lip, a few grazes on his cheeks, a cut on his forehead, and a few small scrapes on his hands. It took him a while to clean his skin with a towel and soapy water his roommate brought back but soon after, Baekhyun helped him with putting medicine and bandages on the bigger cuts. 

Baekhyun was about to offer him the painkillers he had rummaged through the medicine box but remembered that Yixing would never drink it. Yixing was of course tempted, his body still warm and throbbing with pain all over, but he would only be asking for trouble if he did.

“How about we head to the hospital now, hyung?” offered Baekhyun when Yixing chose not to move from the couch yet. “Let's get you checked and treated just to be sure.”

“Baek, I'll be okay.”

“Have you told Junmyeon about this? Maybe he can see you—”

“We broke up.” Yixing tried to smile, trying to maintain gazes with Baekhyun just so he could assure the other that he would be fine. 

But all that he saw from the younger's eyes was the disbelief that he probably had been wearing as well. He couldn't stand it, and soon moved his attention to the damp ice pack he was holding on his stomach. “That was our last meeting earlier,” he said.

He didn't need to turn to look at the other to know that Baekhyun was staring at him like he had successive loses in a game and he could not understand the reason.

“Is it okay to ask why?” came Baekhyun's question in a careful voice.

On the way home he had thought of various reasons. And all of them pointed to him. It wasn't difficult to accept per se, but just thinking about those made it feel like something was pulling the contents of his chest down.

He took a careful intake of air and looked at Baekhyun. “I don't need to have these injuries on me to realize why,” he answered.

“What are you saying—How did it come to this? Weren't you supposed to ask him about your trip to Changsha?” inquired the younger.

Baekhyun was a slap-nervous person and Yixing was waiting for it to come when instead, the other took his hand and squeezed it. When Yixing took a while to answer, he nudged it to call his attention.

“I wasn't able to. I lost it the moment I saw Junmyeon with the woman I've been suspecting his other—” Yixing shook his head and pursed his lips. He didn't want to talk about it anymore.

“Why am I just hearing about this side bitch now?” Baekhyun's face was reddening, and his hold on Yixing's hand was turning into a grip.

Yixing gently pulled on their held hands to placate Baekhyun.

“I had to ask Junmyeon about it first. Maybe I just misunderstood.” He let out a deep breath. “But we ended up having a row. And he suggested to call it quits. That's it.” No happy ending for their story, Yixing thought.

And just like a kid having been told of a tragic tale, Baekhyun was agitated to the point that the younger grabbed one of the throw pillows next to him and bit it. One wasn't enough and the younger took a bigger bite and pulled it. Yixing had to correct himself, that instead of a kid, he was having a teething puppy for a roommate.

“Aiyoo, Baek, that's dirty,” he reminded, taking the pillow away from the other much to Baekhyun's protests.

"My blood pressure is spiking and I can't even hit you! I need to release this big mad energy, hyung! I need to release this!" Baekhyun was slapping their couch while raising his points and Yixing could not be so mad for so long around him.

"I KNEW KIM JUNMYEON WAS TROUBLE!" the younger shouted as Yixing silently disagreed—he was the troublesome one.

He waited it out until Baekhyun was contented with slapping and punching the throw pillows he could grab near him, and with some tears shed in between much to Yixing's surprise. 

“You don't look like you can cry right now so I will! Watch me!” Baekhyun told him, and sobs followed suit.

It took one episode of the show on TV to be done for Baekhyun to calm down. Yixing basked in the eventual silence, occasionally punctured by Baekhyun's sniffling, when he felt the other playing with his fingers in their still held hands.

“Hey, hyung,” the other started. "I can treat you to all the booze you want once you're feeling better. Let's drink this off. Let's party. Then let's gym and be healthy. Let's do whatever you want. I'll support you. I'll be the best emotional support," Baekhyun rattled off.

"I think you crying for me has proven that," he said.

"I know right? I can even be your financial support, too. You want a car? I'll buy you a car," Baekhyun said in a highly confident tone.

A soft chuckle escaped from Yixing after hearing that.

He remembered the first time he heard Baekhyun said those words, and it was through chat on his birthday and just a few months since they started sharing a flat together. It was purely out of goodwill, and with a joke that he could be Yixing’s sugar daddy, Baekhyun returned home with a toy car model and a big, proud grin on his face for fulfilling Yixing's wish.

Soon, there was a small smile growing on Baekhyun's face upon hearing him laugh, too.

“I'm already good with the one you gave me before,” Yixing said, smiling at the memory of Baekhyun's funny present, and was also reminded of an important matter. He repeated the idea in his head and when he was convinced it was a good one, he asked, “Baek, how about you go with me to Changsha instead?”

Baekhyun straightened on the couch with surprise, the corners of his eyes and the tip of his nose still red from his crying.

“I can free up my plans for next week… but are you sure?” the guy carefully returned.

Yixing nodded. Transferring would still cost a bit but it was better than money wasted on a canceled one.

“I already told my grandparents I'll be celebrating my birthday with them so I can't really cancel the trip,” he said. 

“Okay, I'm in,” answered Baekhyun without a hint of hesitation. It made Yixing wonder if asking about the trip and getting an answer like this would be as easy with Junmyeon, and he didn't have to think long to figure it out.

“My grandma will be especially delighted to finally see you,” he told his roommate.

“I can't wait! I'll have to tell my friends that I'll be visiting China, too! See if there are some from Changsha who I can probably meet,” he said and stood up, offering his arm for Yixing to hold onto. “I'll help you to your room, hyung. Let's talk and plan about this tomorrow.”

Yixing could only smile to that, knowing they were both dumb planners by default. He winced as he pushed himself from the couch and took Baekhyun's offer.

“Thanks a lot, Baek,” he said as they trudged to his bedroom.

When he was sat on his bed, he pulled out his phone from his back pocket only to finally notice the smashed screen. He and Baekhyun took turns at attempting to turn it on but the screen only flickered on them and died.

Yixing suffered too many losses tonight and he deemed that his broken phone be the last one. He bade Baekhyun good night and asked for the light to be turned off on the other's way out.

Maybe it was the universe being kind to him, sparing him from another few hours of staring at a screen of unanswered messages. Of waiting. Of hoping.

He carefully turned on his other side and pulled his blanket on him, squeezing his eyes shut as the beading and falling tears soaked his pillow.

Yixing had just started to drift off when a sudden hard jab on the head pulled him awake. The pain was enough for him to heave, forcing him to release the surging content of his stomach which soon climbed his throat to the floor beside his bed. He was feeling for his phone on the side table to check the time only to remember it was broken. His head kept on throbbing and instead of turning on his lamp, he opted to rush outside his room, towards the bathroom.

He was about to pat himself for making it into the bowl and not creating any more mess when he saw the red that was being purged from him. His worry only hiked, his headache unrelenting until it felt like a hot rod was poking the back of his forehead. His heart was racing, and in the confusion, he believed his heartbeats were so strong that he could hear its thumping amidst the persistent white noise.

There was a familiar voice to his left although it came in broken, almost muffled. And when he looked, it was Baekhyun by the door. He tried to say he was feeling so sick. He even thought of apologizing for disturbing the other's rest. But it became more confusing and worrisome when Baekhyun's already blurring image started to tilt and disappeared into the darkness so fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
This story is also updated at least once a month; should be, according to the posting schedule this author had plotted last June 2019.   



	2. d'you have a moment

Yixing had never once been late at work. In fact, he was always 30 minutes earlier than his boss who would arrive at the storefront at eight in the morning for opening. He had been working part-time in the bookstore for almost a year now, and he must be favoured, because on top of his decent pay as a shop assistant, he had a discounted breakfast set meal from the coffee shop just across the street, paid for by his employer. The 75% off was a huge burden taken from him, given that he was just a working student who used his earnings to mostly pay for his living expenses.

With more than 20 minutes to spare, he decided to dine in the cafe than have his order for take away and sit beside the sidewalk as he usually did to wait for his boss. Most of the chairs were already occupied when he turned from the counter with a tray on hand. He didn't mind sharing tables, but good thing that the high one by the tall glass window had a vacant stool. He only had about a quarter of an hour left to have his breakfast anyway, so any available seat would be appreciated.

"Hi, is this seat free?" he asked the person stooping in his seat to the left with an open book on his lap, bookmarked on the spine by his hand. Yixing's eyes only rounded in recognition, as the guy was a regular in the bookstore and the one Yixing had secretly called 'the Y.A. connoisseur'. 

The guy, a man who seemed around Yixing's age, looked up to him and then to the chair Yixing was asking about. He nodded and looked back, his eyes narrowed a bit as if he had met Yixing before but couldn't remember it.

"I work at Bibliosmia across the street," Yixing volunteered so as not to appear suspicious. In fact, it was him who assisted and rang the first three copies of the book in the series the guy was reading. He couldn't fault him, though, since it had happened months ago.

There was a faint recognition on the guy's gaze which soon became apparent, much to Yixing's relief.

Yixing pointed to the book and said, "You're on book five now."

"Yes," came the person's succinct answer.

The guy seemed to be unnerved to be talking casually with him, with those brief glances and pursed lips, Yixing noted.

"How are you finding the story so far?" Yixing immediately asked, trying to salvage the conversation from getting awkward.

"I'm liking the main character's fight against oppression. Have you read this?"

"I may have read the whole series more than thrice," Yixing answered with a smile.

"No spoilers, please," asked the guy next to him, who soon returned his attention to his reading.

"Don't worry, I won't," Yixing said, picking up his sandwich to silently enjoy his breakfast.

The person on the next seat had already finished drinking his coffee when Yixing arrived. But he seemed to have forgotten about it when he lifted it up only to realise it was empty, his hand jerking in Yixing's periphery.

Yixing of course pretended to not notice, sparing the person from any embarrassment and instead trying his hardest to look ahead while chewing his sandwich. Soon, two beeps sounded to his left and the guy took out his phone to swipe at it.

Metal clasps and zippers sounded as the person put his book into his leather backpack. Yixing turned to look at him as he left his seat.

"I'll be going ahead," he said, wearing a strap of his bag.

Yixing nodded. "Mn. Take care…?" he trailed off, realising he was yet to know the guy's name.

"Kim Junmyeon," supplied the other. "It was nice talking to you."

"Nice talking to you, too, Junmyeon," he hurriedly replied as he watched Kim Junmyeon give him a slight nod before exiting the cafe, his "I'm Zhang Yixing" swallowed by the silence of regret brought by hesitation.

He could always introduce himself the next time he'd see Kim Junmyeon, he told himself as he finished his cup of coffee.

When he returned for breakfast the next day, the leftmost seat where Kim Junmyeon sat the day before was empty and it remained so until Yixing left the shop for his job. Maybe that was the reason the other didn't bother asking his name.

Although that didn't make the guy any less nice in Yixing's eyes.

| • • • |

It was a Wednesday and there were fewer people outside to be dallying, most were especially busy with work or school during their midweek. Yixing was not an exception, as he had to study the whole night and before his part-time job for an upcoming long exam.

A book, pages of supplemental readings, notes, and pens were spread on the small space he was occupying in the high table of the cafe, his tray of breakfast a bit neglected on the side.

"Can I sit here?" a voice inquired to his left, and when Yixing looked up, it was the face of the person he stopped himself from hoping to see again.

Kim Junmyeon was wearing a tortilla coloured coat this time, his leather watch peeking from the sleeves as his hands held his tray.

"Oh. Good morning," Yixing belatedly greeted, his surprise catching up on him as he hurriedly looked at the clutter he caused on the table. "Yeah, sure. Wait, let me just—" he trailed off, his hands piling his readings and notes as he reached for his book on the side to include it to the things he must stuff into his bag.

"What are you reading?" came Junmyeon's curious question, referring to the copy of Fahrenheit 451 in Yixing's hand.

"This—it's a required reading for one of my classes," Yixing answered, handing Junmyeon the book when the other gestured if he could see it.

He watched as Kim Junmyeon opened the book and flipped the first few pages with care. The guy's eyes skimming on the lines and the corners of his lips rising a little on his typically indifferent face.

"If you're interested in dystopian fiction, then I recommend it," Yixing said, and when Junmyeon looked at him, it felt like he was being scrutinised.

The guy soon closed the book and returned it to him. Yixing put it on top of his bag for easy grabbing and reading.

"What is your major?" Junmyeon asked.

"Creative writing," he answered. "I had a long gap working before starting college, though. So I think we're around the same age."

There was a hint of disbelief on Junmyeon's face with the way his eyebrows twitched. "I'm 29," he said, as if challenging Yixing whom he probably assumed to be younger.

"I'm 29, too," Yixing said as Junmyeon stared at him to spot the lie. Except Yixing was not lying, so he continued, "I guessed right."

"Whether your guess is off by a year or two, you'd still be right," Junmyeon retorted which had Yixing chuckling.

"Now that you know that I'm a student, how about you? What do you do?" he asked after watching Junmyeon put down his half-eaten sandwich on his plate.

"I'm an anesthesiologist in S〇〇 Hospital."

"Wow. That's a doctor for anesthesia, right?" Yixing clarified, having read before that nurses could be trained to be anaesthetists as well.

"Yes, I'm that kind of doctor," confirmed Junmyeon with a subtle nod.

"You're cool. Oh—" Yixing paused, realising he must have been rude all along. "Should I call you Doctor Kim?" he asked, his facial features rounded due to a possible blunder.

"Whichever you're comfortable with but there is no need. Junmyeon's fine," the other assured him.

Yixing didn't mean to let out a breath in relief that obvious, but Junmyeon noticed, making the guy give Yixing a pursed smile. 

"Junmyeon," he called, practicing the familiarity of saying the guy's name and trying to make the most out of their meeting to ask, "Have you always wanted to be a doctor?"

Of course Yixing had the tendency to go along the flow of his thoughts and blurt them out, most of which were considerably harmless, but somehow there could still be instances where his thoughts and seemingly harmless inquiries could be imposing. It might be the case with the doctor, who seemed surprised with his question.

Yixing was about to wave off his question when Junmyeon answered, "I come from a family of doctors so I grew up seeing myself ending up as one, too.

"You? Have you always wanted to be a writer?"

Yixing shook his head. He smiled, finding himself coming off as pretentious when the other's reason was quite straightforward.

"No," he admitted. "Although I've always liked writing, it's just a few years ago that I realised I wanted to write stories for children when I did local volunteer work."

The other had one of his small, pursed smile again but it was subtle that Yixing couldn't read into it. "That's noble," Junmyeon said after a while.

Yixing had not really thought of his dreams as that—it was natural and an ordinary way of helping out that a lot of people could do. Branding it as noble, he thought, made it less meaningful.

He shook his head to disagree. "It just made me happy when the stories I wrote to tell to the children back then made them happy. I want to see more of those expressions on the people who read my stories," he said.

"I'll be attending one of your book signing events then," Junmyeon returned, as if he was sure he would read a book Yixing authored.

Yixing wished he could be as confident in himself. He was working on it, though, and he had no better response than an accepting smile and his, "I'll work hard."

He was expecting Junmyeon's alarm as a signal to leave like last time, but Mr. Jung arrived in front of the bookstore and unlike his and Junmyeon's previous meeting, it was Yixing's turn to go ahead. But before he left, he paused, offering as an afterthought.

"You can tell me the type of stories you like next time. Then maybe I can give you book recommendations," he said to the doctor.

Junmyeon's lips tugged upwards to that. "That'd be great. Thanks, Yixing," he answered, making Yixing grin when he heard his name from the other.

"I don't remember you asking about my name," he quipped, but Junmyeon's smile only got a bit wider.

"You did not tell me, but it is all over your book," answered Junmyeon.

Yixing's cheeks warmed upon the observation, his knack for making sure his things got returned if he were to lose them by writing his name all over was, for him, a sort of an embarrassing admission of his forgetfulness. Hopefully, Junmyeon hadn't realised the creeping shame on his face.

He once again waved goodbye and hoped to see Junmyeon next time.

Two mornings later, the usual seat to Yixing's left in that small cafe was occupied. Yixing noted that it would be an every other day meeting from then on, after Junmyeon briefly talked about his 26-hour shifts. There was also the observation that the doctor was about to finish the book he was reading, so Yixing promised to bring him the sixth book in the series the next time they meet.

Junmyeon started on book six two days later. Three weeks later, he started on book seven. And in less than two months since Yixing first talked to him, the guy had started on another series which Yixing had suggested and gotten him copies of.

The every-other-day breakfasts became a habit for Yixing, and as any deal that was too good to be true, it didn't last long. One breakfast without Junmyeon became two. And two became three, then four that morning with Yixing wondering countless reasons for the other's sudden absence. His plate of sandwich and a cup of coffee had started to be a chore to chew and swallow even when the piles of readings next to his tray should be distracting enough for him to eat by instinct.

He was picking on his sandwich, separating its components on his plate in groups when a person occupied the vacant seat to his left. Yixing didn't pay them any mind, though. Somebody else would need the seat and Yixing was only paying for one through his breakfast in that shop. Except Yixing could feel the person's staring at what he was doing, which sort of sucked because he had pulled in a stranger into his dumb ministration just because he was no longer in the mood to study. He still kept on, ignoring the possible judgment from his seatmate until he was done grouping the ingredients of his chicken sandwich.

Since fruits and vegetables should be consumed first, he picked the pieces of lettuce and brought it to his mouth.

"I was wondering—" a familiar voice to his left said, making Yixing jump in his seat and turn to the person with wide eyes.

"Junmyeon!"

"I guessed wrong. I was thinking that you no longer had any plan to eat your food since you were already playing with it," admitted the guy.

"No, this—I was planning to eat it," Yixing said, skipping the admission that he had no appetite since Junmyeon was a doctor and the most reasonable thing a doctor could suggest was for Yixing to get it checked. "I haven't seen you in a while," he continued as he returned to his sandwich, picking up the bitten slice of rye bread to eat.

"I was sent to a different clinic for a week," the other said.

"I thought something happened to you," Yixing admitted. He was thankful that the worry which relentlessly followed him for almost a week soon disappeared. "I'm glad you're okay."

The doctor had a pursed smile on his lips as he nodded to him and said, "It was a sudden assignment. I'll try to let you know next time it happens."

There was no need for that, Yixing wanted to say. But doing so would seem like he was making fun of Junmyeon being earnest, so he decided that the best response would be a nod and a smile. And as if making up for lost time, Junmyeon's simple 'How have you been?' picked up the flow left more than a week since they last saw each other. Yixing filled the guy in with his school works and a few interesting encounters in the bookstore. Junmyeon rarely talked about work and mostly mentioned how he had been spending his breaks, and the few observations he had with the clinic he was assigned at, but it was more than enough for Yixing.

Probably he was just too happy to see Junmyeon again that before he left his seat after seeing Mr. Jung arrive in front of the bookstore, Yixing was fast to admit to the guy that he missed their breakfasts together.

"It was odd not hearing you talk during breakfast," Junmyeon returned, seemingly confused with what he himself had revealed.

Yixing couldn't help but smile to that, even if what was said also meant he was talkative enough for Junmyeon to expect hearing his voice during breakfast, which he hoped was positive.

"I'll see you the day after tomorrow?" he asked, grinning when the doctor nodded to him.

He was one step away from leaving when Junmyeon asked him to wait, the guy pulling out a leather wallet and a card from it. After writing something on the back, he soon handed the white card to Yixing and said, "You can message me through the number at the back."

Yixing's facial muscles must be getting too much exercise from just his smiling because that was what he had been doing for the past hour—less than that, and only since he saw Junmyeon again if he were to be honest.

"I'll message you as soon as I can," he told Junmyeon, stopping himself from taking his phone out from his bag to chat the guy then and there. He did not want to come off as too eager, he wouldn't be able to properly provide a reason if Junmyeon were to ask him.

With a slight nod and a simple 'see you', he left Junmyeon and exited the cafe with a slight bounce in his steps.

Yixing said 'soon' but night came and he had not once sent Junmyeon a message. He had been stuck in the brutal cycle of looking at the card, at Junmyeon's handwriting, and attempting to compose a simple message on his phone. 

"Some club finally recruited you to be their stripper, hyung?" asked Baekhyun whose usually loud arrival in their shared flat Yixing had missed.

"Who would even want me to be their stripper, Baek?" he asked, watching the younger rummage through his various paper bags and brought out two small cartons of strawberry milk. Yixing accepted the one Baekhyun handed him.

"If I were a strip club boss, I would. You'll drown in money in no time, hyung. So it's not a stripper job?"

"It's not!" 

"Then what is it? What is that?" Baekhyun asked curiously, taking a sip from his milk box and soon pulled out a pack of baked potato snack. "I bought us dinner but I'm too hungry so this is the appetizer," he soon reasoned when Yixing looked at him as he opened the item on his hand and put it between them like a sweet-salty bribe.

"I got my crush's number," he admitted, taming his grin that was about to break.

"Crush? Who? You got thousands of them," Baekhyun quipped as he took the card from Yixing and read it. The younger's face was soon wearing a troubled expression, a thing Yixing had to ask about.

"What's the matter, Baek?"

"Is this Dr. Kim Junmyeon a short, pale guy with a small face and smiles like this?" The younger squinted so hard while smiling broadly that Yixing's memory of a smiling Junmyeon was tainted by Baekhyun's funny face.

"I really haven't seen him smile like that," Yixing admitted as Baekhyun returned the card. "Why? Do you know him?"

"If we know the same Kim Junmyeon then—I don't know, hyung, your infatuation might not end well.

"The Kim Junmyeon I knew from high school was a frigid person whose only hobby was to study and break hearts in the process," Baekhyun said, and with a thoughtful pause, soon continued. "But I might be talking about a different person, hyung! Besides, the guy I knew was as straight as a slab of rock. And high school is a long time ago..."

"It's just a happy crush, Baek," Yixing reminded, more so for himself who had started hoping. He was sure of his preferences, but he could never be for others, and it was always wrong to assume. The fact that he could not ask such a question to Junmyeon was a warning for him to step back and keep his feelings calm, for they might probably be unwanted.

'Hi, Junmyeon. This is Yixing' was the message he sent that night. A few hours later, a reply came with Junmyeon wishing him a good night's rest, which did the opposite to Yixing's poor heart who had been awoken by the buzz of the incoming message.

Since Junmyeon was still online and the 'seen' must have already betrayed Yixing, he replied with a simple 'On break? Do your best, ok?' and changed the vibrate mode of his phone to silent. It was just a friendly exchange and his heart should calm the hell down.

| • • • |

A long exam in his first class the next day and three paper requirements due in four days had Yixing staying outside after his last class for the day. His university's library closed at six, and he also needed a dose of strong coffee to keep himself awake so he ventured downtown and decided to study in Good Coffee Co. instead.

The first hour was chill, with Stella Jang playing on the cafe stereo, as he read through some materials which he could use for his papers. His cup of coffee was now empty, and occasionally refilled with water by the kind barista who somehow had become his acquaintance after seeing him everyday for breakfast for the past months.

Another half an hour later, the lines of words in his reading seemed to be merging that he barely understood anything, backtracking a couple of times because his eyes chose to skip a line or a word. It was messy and no idea was right for any of his papers. So he decided to sleep on it, folding his arms on his open readings and notes and wishing for a few minutes of rest that might make the literature gods pity him. Hopefully the gods would send some dreams for him to write a decent paper for each requirement.

He must be too tired, because it only took a while for Yixing to get into REM and the next thing he knew he was dreaming that Junmyeon was sitting next to him, in his usual seat, finally noticing that Yixing was staring so he looked up from the book he was reading.

Junmyeon was holding the same book Yixing had borrowed from the library for his paper, which automatically made Yixing smile because he found it funny. And impossible. 

"Awake?" asked dream Junmyeon, who had an amused smile on his face.

And the more Yixing stared, the more he realised that what was different aside from Junmyeon's unusual smile was that the guy was wearing a black bucket hat and a white tee. It was too casual from what Yixing had seen Junmyeon wear so far so it must be a dream. Yixing's smile turned into weak chuckles and a shake of the head. No, he wasn't awake yet.

He then returned to burying his head on his folded arms, waiting for another dream that was less harmful to his mind and heart.

A few rustles to his side with another person arriving to ask for any more orders and Junmyeon's voice answering had Yixing straightening up and looking to his left.

The man in bucket hat, white shirt, jogger pants and slippers was indeed Junmyeon, who was busy opening a take away order of roasted chicken meal with some sides. "Have you had dinner? My treat if you haven't had one," Junmyeon told him.

"What are you doing here?" Yixing asked, still disbelieving of what he was seeing and hearing.

"I sometimes go out to eat when I'm on post-call and buy my dinner here. It was by chance I also got to find you sleeping here tonight," explained Junmyeon while Yixing salivated at the sight and smell of the food next to him.

A decline to Junmyeon's offer was on the way when an undeniable grumbling of his stomach had Yixing looking away while Junmyeon stared at him, as if awaiting for Yixing's admission that he was (indeed) hungry.

"I'll go wash my face first," Yixing rattled as he hurried to the CR, almost whining upon the sight of his a bit swollen reflection on the mirror. He looked like he had enjoyed his sleep with an imprint of his ballpen on his right cheek. 

When he returned, Junmyeon informed him that the staff asked for final dinner orders and that he had decided to get Yixing a meal. Yixing was left with no choice but to gratefully accept Junmyeon's kind offer and go back to reading while waiting for the order.

They talked a bit, mostly about Yixing's upcoming requirements' deadlines and the resulting staying up late for the next four days, which Junmyeon offered to treat him to two dinners to, during the doctor's post-call. Which meant that Yixing would not only be seeing the guy during breakfasts every other day, but during dinner, too, in the days in between. The literature gods must be ignoring him, but not for the god who had been causing him heart troubles by raining chance encounters with Junmyeon.

On their last dinner together, when Yixing was piling his readings and scratch papers for notes, a pamphlet slipped and fell to the floor, prompting Junmyeon to pick it up and hand it back to him. It was about an aquarium's special exhibits for the month, which Yixing got from a classmate who worked there.

"I'll be checking out the exhibit this weekend," Yixing volunteered as he received his pamphlet and tucked it into his notebook.

"Reminds me I haven't gone to C〇〇X Aquarium before," Junmyeon admitted as he waited for Yixing to finish packing up so they could leave the cafe.

"It'll be my first time visiting, too," Yixing returned. He stole a glance towards the doctor, mulled on his idea for a bit, and soon offered, "If you're free on Saturday, you can join me."

"I have work," Junmyeon answered.

"Yeah, I figured." Too bad, Yixing thought.

"It's only until 11 in the morning, though," the guy said as Yixing held the door for him. "If you're visiting during the mid-afternoon, I can go with you."

"Where do you want to meet?" Yixing asked.

"Here at two-thirty will be fine," Junmyeon answered, and soon reminded Yixing, "We'll still be meeting for breakfast tomorrow so if you have other ideas, we can talk about it."

Thank goodness they were already outside, the lights only enough to guide them along the sidewalk and not to reveal the pink that was colouring Yixing's cheeks, his heart not calming down since Junmyeon accepted his invitation.

| • • • |

Yixing had been waiting since his five-hour Saturday shift ended, making lunch his excuse for occupying his favourite seat in the cafe across the street to wait for Junmyeon. He was so excited for the aquarium visit that he barely slept a wink the night prior, and he was sure it wasn't just because of the otters.

Junmyeon arrived at around 2:22, his face pale and longing for sleep with how his eyes were narrowed from the afternoon sun reflected on the floor to ceiling glass their high table faced. Yixing offered him half of his sandwich, admitting that he could no longer eat any more or else he would throw up from excitement. Junmyeon, surprisingly, accepted it and quietly took the regular order of iced coffee Yixing also got him. 

"I had a crazy shift last night," Junmyeon said, his gaze distant as he chewed his sandwich. "I got called for surgery by the trauma team, it was so messy that blood was pooling on the floor, another patient of mine had a collapsed lung, and another died less than an hour before my shift ended."

Yixing looked at Junmyeon, the guy still maintaining his gaze towards the street outside. "How are you feeling now?" he asked.

"Been feeling off since I woke up from an earlier nap," admitted Junmyeon. "I guess I didn't have enough time to process it before I rested."

"Do you still want to go with me to the aquarium?" Yixing asked.

And soon Junmyeon looked at him and nodded, saying, "This might be the break I need."

The 45-minute train ride was mostly spent in silence and occasional glances towards the doctor who had started reading from his phone to fight off the drowsiness. Yixing also took out his small notebook and wrote down a few lines of ideas for his story—how a character would spend their time during commute—which did not escape Junmyeon who asked about his jottings.

"It's for the children's story I'm trying to write," was Yixing's reserved answer.

"About?"

"About the adventures of a young rabbit—basically Adventures of Peter Rabbit meets Watership Down in a modern setting."

Junmyeon's hand holding his phone lowered to his lap, reading forgotten. With a curious face, he asked, "Why a rabbit?"

"I like rabbits. And rabbits have good reputation to both parents and kids in children's literature."

The other's face turned pensive upon hearing Yixing's reasons.  
"I'm neither a parent nor a kid. But I'll still buy a copy and read your story," Junmyeon said soon, the seriousness of his tone making Yixing smile and nod with thanks.

It didn't take long since their small exchange for them to arrive at the aquarium and be admitted inside. It was 28000 won down Yixing's budget for the week, but a brief glance to the poster of the special exhibit by the entrance and to his company convinced him that it was worth it.

With each of them receiving a pamphlet, Yixing soon located the special exhibit area and tried to picture their route starting from the entrance. After taking a deep breath in, he stepped forward with so much determination that his eyes only looked at the rail at the end of the water-and-creatures-filled glass tunnel which they had to pass through.

"Don't you want to look around first?" came Junmyeon's question who was a few steps behind him.

"Do you want to l-look around first?" Yixing returned as he turned to his company, vision zeroing on Junmyeon's eyes only.

A shadow darted by the blue in his periphery which sent the hairs on his arms standing. Thank goodness it wasn't enough for him to curse out loud, though the sigh he let out was rather apparent that Junmyeon was soon looking at him with a questioning gaze.

"What's the matter?" asked the doctor with a tone that demanded an honest answer and should Yixing attempt to lie, it felt as if Junmyeon was capable of feeding him to the blurred creatures which lurked at the corners of his vision.

"I'm scared of fishes!" Yixing blurted, seeing the subtle rounding of the other's eyes. And as if the oncoming rejection was automatic, he instead looked at the carpet-lined floor, expecting the derisive snort from Junmyeon.

"What is it about fishes that you're afraid of?" Junmyeon asked in a quiet voice.

"They don't blink so their stare remains the same whether they're still alive or dead. I've always found it unnerving since I was a kid. Especially during meals." 

"I understand." Yixing looked up to search for any mockery on Junmyeon's face, but all the other did was briefly look around and open the pamphlet in his hand.

"They have an area dedicated to coastal birds of Korea. Do you want to go check it—" Junmyeon's words hung as he looked at Yixing, and with how fast Yixing evaded the other's stare, it didn't take long for Junmyeon to realise it.

"You are also afraid of birds?" Junmyeon asked, prompting Yixing to nod his head and shamefully admit another fear in a day.

"Yes, yes, I am afraid of birds! I really just wanted to see the otters—I know it's stupid to spend 28000 for a glimpse of those water sausages but please don't judge me outloud—" Yixing froze upon seeing Junmyeon's face.

With furrowed brows and pursed lips, Junmyeon looked at him as if disappointed and soon turned his back on him. Yixing remained in his place, aghast, as the other's shoulders shook and his contained laughter was heard.

Junmyeon turned back but paused to clear his throat, swallowing any more laughter from him. "I don't mean to laugh at you, it's just—Let's go see the water sausages?" he asked.

Just right after nodding and taking the first step following the other who had walked past him, Yixing had the realization that his happy little liking for the guy had become the sort that was unbearable that it was painful. He had no place within him to be mad or sad for being laughed at, and instead of Junmyeon's laughter being scathing it was relieving for Yixing, because for the most part since they met for the aquarium visit, the doctor had been quiet.

It felt nice seeing Junmyeon laugh, Yixing thought, and he must be looking dumb smiling to the direction of the floor in that glass tunnel, because the moment he looked up, Junmyeon had stopped to glance at him.

Yixing shook his head and strode past Junmyeon, towards the special exhibit area as if all the chaos caused by his fears and Junmyeon's reactions were long forgotten.

He didn't want to be rude to Junmyeon, but the moment they arrived at the exhibit, Yixing had almost forgotten he came there with company. His mind went otters and more otters on him, enough for his hands to almost shake with glee as he took down notes on every information available with each display.

What surprised him the most was that after more than an hour of walking around and filling a page or two of his pocket notebook with otter trivia, Junmyeon had not decided to leave him when Yixing had thought the other had done so while he was busy being spastic. Junmyeon was sitting beside him, looking at the open notebook, while Yixing reviewed what he had written.

"I agree that they look like water sausages," Junmyeon said as Yixing finished doodling an otter at the lower corner of one of the pages. "Are they characters in the story you said you were writing?"

"Yep! One of the characters is, with my roommate's personality as another inspiration," Yixing supplied. "In fact, the otter is the protagonist's best buddy."

"Does that mean you're the protagonist?"

Yixing shook his head. "I never really wrote myself in it. Maybe you'll read about some of my experiences through the characters, but that's it."

"I think it will be interesting to read about you in your story," Junmyeon soon said in the silence between them.

There was a part within Yixing that wanted to disagree out loud. It was the opposite. People would readily read and like a story about Junmyeon.

After dropping by the small souvenir shop in the aquarium and getting himself an otter keychain and an extra for his room mate, they went straight to ride the train back home. Junmyeon declined when Yixing offered to buy him a keychain as thanks for visiting with him, so Yixing left it at that and spent the ride back absently looking outside the window while thinking of a different present for his company.

Junmyeon had different plans, though, and as soon as they sat in the train and he had folded his arms to his chest with eyes closed, it didn't take long for his head to start lolling. Mostly they were small falls forward or sideways, making Yixing worry a little for Junmyeon's neck. But when the other almost hit the back of his head to the glass window behind them which Yixing had luckily cushioned with his hand, he offered his shoulder when Junmyeon briefly woke up.

Dazed, Junmyeon still ended up accepting his offer. And Yixing was left with strange nervousness in his chest for the rest of the train ride while Junmyeon slept closer next to him.

"So what is the good news?" Baekhyun greeted with a bowl of popcorn on his lap in the living room when Yixing arrived in their apartment.

"Otter poop smells like jasmine tea," Yixing muttered as he fell on the couch next to the younger. In Time was on TV as Yixing tried to remember which part of the story the scene playing with Justin Timberlake's face was at.

"Please write that for my character," Baekhyun said, making Yixing chuckle because their shared bathroom always smelled like Calvin Klein perfume after the younger had some business. "But I'm more curious about your date."

"I told you, it wasn't a date," Yixing retorted as he handed the guy his small otter keychain.

"So it was your usual flirting," Baekhyun jibed while absently licking his salted fingers, looking at the present he got on his other palm. "I expect to be this cute in your story," he muttered and soon pocketed the keychain.

Yixing wanted to tell Baekhyun about Junmyeon's laughing face, and how uncannily Baekhyun pulled a similar expression when the guy had mentioned about a Junmyeon Kim he knew from high school. They were probably talking about the same Junmyeon. But Yixing would like to digress that Junmyeon's face scrunch was actually cute and not at the level of Baekhyun's menacing impersonation.

Yet he remained silent, because doing so would spare him from Baekhyun's truth bombs which Yixing had no need for at the moment.

"You at least confessed, right?" Baekhyun asked after a mouthful of popcorn.

"At least be honest why you like hanging out with him?" suggested the younger when Yixing refused to acknowledge the question.

Yixing just sighed because confessing to a guy like Junmyeon was one of the last things he would ever consider even if it meant being honest.

Except Yixing's words came biting him back in three days and less than three breakfasts with Junmyeon. Maybe it was Junmyeon's smile after accepting the rabbit charm Yixing bought as a thank you present for the aquarium visit. Maybe it was his fear of spilling his drink because he had only been nervous around Junmyeon when he realised his crush was not as small as he thought. Or maybe it was watching Junmyeon through the glass window's reflection and realising the guy didn't deserve such scrutiny when Yixing couldn't be honest about his reason for doing so.

Words about his liking and his reasons came so suddenly that even Yixing was caught off guard when he was done blurting them out. And he saw how Junmyeon looked up from his book and to him with shock all over his face, except he witnessed it all through the glass in front of them.

"If you don't feel the same way, it's okay. I just wanted to be honest," he said, finally letting go of the reflection in favor of the reality that was written on Junmyeon's face.

"I still wish to hangout with you like the usual even after this," he continued when Junmyeon remained silent, softening the oncoming rejection with an assuring smile.

"I need time to think about what to say about it," Junmyeon said, almost unblinking.

There was nothing left for Yixing to say, aside from 'Of course' although he could already guess the outcome judging by the way the other reacted. Then the rest of their breakfast was spent in silence.

Mr. Jung arrived at the storefront across and Yixing had to go ahead. Before he left, though, the mood lightened a big deal for him upon hearing Junmyeon's "See you on Wednesday".

| • • • |

Panic greeted Yixing on the way out of the bookstore after finishing his part-time shift. He was on the way to his university, a day following his sudden confession. A text from Junmyeon was asking him whether he'd be free for dinner later, which Yixing's schedule didn't allow him to decline. 'The talk' was coming sooner than he expected, when part of his expectation was that there was a 51% chance Junmyeon would not show up for their Wednesday breakfast. He couldn't back it up with numbers, but it sure felt like it to him—which was a tedious thing to think about really, so he pushed the thought aside the night before to get himself some rest.

The dinner invitation came with a request for a smart-casual attire, and when Yixing asked if they were going clubbing, Junmyeon dodged the question by replying with the details on where and at what time they'd meet. His nerves were shared to Baekhyun who was perpetually playing his computer games at home, with Yixing sending SOS as to what to wear in a text while the literature professor droned in front of the class.

Lots of running, internal screaming, Baekhyun shouting, heart racing, and palms sweating followed the rest of the afternoon, from Yixing's university to their apartment, and from their apartment to the agreed meet-up.

Seven minutes before six, in the lobby of a building a few blocks away the cafe they frequented, Yixing waited wearing a black turtleneck under a navy blue suit jacket embellished with dragonfly brooches by the lapel, black cropped cotton trousers—all of which were Baekhyun's—and his pair of black and white leather low top sneakers. It still was according to his request to not look like he was interviewing for a job or teaching a master's class in the university as an old lecturer, but Baekhyun sure turned him into one of those K-pop idols on TV who seemed ready to break out into some talent showcase any time. Baekhyun assured him he didn't look like one, more like one of those expensive goth dolls which wasn't really assuring, and said that in the event Junmyeon were to reject him, Yixing couldn't really blame his style and appearance as bases for rejection. When he pointed out that it must then be because of his personality, Baekhyun kicked him out of their apartment faster than the guy's ability to tap any skip ad button he would encounter online.

It only took about another five minutes for Junmyeon to arrive and for Yixing to stop thinking he was overdressed. The guy was wearing a white shirt with red and black lined collar underneath a dark red suit jacket with skinny dress pants and leather shoes in the first place. And with his usually side-parted dark hair, there was no better word to describe Junmyeon overall but handsome. 

Yixing was too nervous to speak, though, and after he stood up to greet Junmyeon with a bow and being told by the latter that they were in time for the reservation, he just nodded and let Junmyeon lead the way.

When they exited the elevator on the 29th floor, they were greeted by an uncle in a suit standing behind a podium, who surprisingly knew Junmyeon. With brief greetings, they were soon ushered past the two-door entrance and sat at the round table near the ceiling to floor windows. By just the lighting, the table setting and the way his butt seemed to enjoy the softness of the chair, Yixing could tell they were in a rather costly place. There was also the fact that though the place was packed for the night with the number of waiters and waitresses who quietly passed their tables with trays and pushcarts of food and drinks, not once was Yixing able to see the other diners' faces clearly and only heard an occasional exclamation here or a laughter there amongst a sea of murmurs accompanying a live piano playing.

There was no menu to choose from, and it was their personal waiter who announced their seven course meal starting with the hors d'oeuvres. Yixing's basic taste considered a four course Western meal a rich person's indulgence, and having been presented with seven made his stomach churn with nervousness as his brain racked to compute the few bills he had in his wallet which didn't take too long because he expected that before the third course was over, he was already broke for the night.

A bite from the first course piqued his interest that the soup, appetizer and salad passed by and he was well into a few bites from the main course, which the waiter told them was duck meat with some combination of herbs and sauces Yixing only put a second of attention to, when a wine server came over to refill Junmyeon's wine glass in a manner Yixing could consider gravity defying.

"Are you enjoying the night?" Junmyeon asked, while Yixing's gaze moved from the sparkling wine and towards the guy.

Yixing nodded. "I especially like the food," he admitted, almost forgetting the fact that it must be because it was expensive, and before he could say anything stupid, he reached for his goblet of water and took a drink from it.

"You’re uncharacteristically silent. Why is that?"

Their personal waiter came to refill Yixing's goblet and was enough to cover his surprise which came with Junmyeon's inquiry. Yixing thought of emptying his goblet then just so had enough time to think of an answer to the question.

"I don’t know what to say. I don't really go to this kind of place to eat," he said once the waiter was out of earshot.

"What do you talk about when you bring out someone for the first time?" returned Junmyeon, his attention on cutting the meat on his own plate.

It was a casual question, and Yixing soon understood that Junmyeon was asking for his advice, probably the reason for the dinner as well aside from Junmyeon's kind rejection.

"I barely have anything to call as experience but don't conversations usually start with probing questions like, 'What do you do?'"

"That makes sense," acknowledged the doctor who had a thoughtful look on his face while chewing his food. 

"People tend to anticipate that kind of question though, so 'What else do you do?' is a good follow-up to know the person better," Yixing supplied as a helpful tip.

"I see. I've never asked anybody out so I have no prior experience," said Junmyeon as he paused to take another sip from his glass, and asked, "What else do you do?"

"Most of the time I just talk about books. I ask them what they like to read and then if they do then it's a start—"

"I meant to ask what else do you do since we've long talked about what we do," clarified the guy.

Yixing had suddenly forgotten how to use the fork and knife in his hands. And with how fast his brain processed Junmyeon's words thanks to the delicious meal they were having, he felt like his soul was suddenly thrusted into a pool of what Baekhyun would call The Big Omo Energy of Aunties although it was the muted version for Yixing.

"Is this—" he almost squawked, catching himself on time to lower his voice instead into an almost whispering state to ask, "A date?"

"Yes, it is," Junmyeon confirmed. "What else do you think this multi-course meal is?"

Their usual dinner but taken somewhere else because it came with the talk regarding Yixing's confession. Maybe. Yixing didn't know what to answer aside from his expectations were low that he thought of it as anything but a date.

He grabbed for his goblet only to belatedly realize, with much regret, that the liquid he had emptied into his mouth was his serving of wine he so evaded. And he had no choice but to swallow the drink unless he wanted to reveal to his date his special talent of cascading wine like a fountain from his mouth down his chin.

"I thought this dinner was unusual but never it being a date," came his honest answer after his throat recovered from the effortful swallow. The wine wasn't bad, he just had a low alcohol tolerance to protect himself from.

"I'll probably regret it if I have another serving but Jacklyn-ah is nice," Yixing soon commented because Junmyeon was already wearing his contained expression, which was soon muddled by a more confused countenance.

"Jacklyn-ah?" repeated the guy carefully.

"Isn't it the name of this rotten grape juice?" Yixing clarified, and by the way the three second silence was soon followed by Junmyeon's laughter, he was sure it wasn't Jacklyn-ah.

A team of servers returned to clear their plates from their right and replace it with the dessert plate from their left. The transition was seamless as the wine server came over to refill Yixing's glass, but he declined and instead asked about the name of the drink.

"It's a Getariako Txakolina, Sir.

"Should you want a different drink, please let me know," supplied the man. And when Yixing answered that water was enough, the person excused himself once their table was ready for the sixth course.

"The rotten grape juice is almost Jacklyn-ah," Junmyeon assured him with a grin that scrunched his face to what Yixing considered adorable. The teasing, which started occurring since Yixing first used the term 'water sausage' in Junmyeon's presence, effectively warmed Yixing's ears into a deeper shade of pink.

Yixing chose to consume the cake in silence as he debated whether commenting about it might force his brain to invent another name for it. Thank goodness he declined any more wine, as the server returned with another kind which would match the chocolate cake on their plates. At the moment, he'd stick with common nouns to spare himself from additional embarrassment.

The seventh course came as an assortment of bite-sized chocolates and Yixing conveniently, although silently, called 'second dessert'. Junmyeon still caught him mouthing 'mignardise' after their waiter announced it, though, with the guy flashing him a sneak of those teasing grins again.

"Junmyeon, if you don't stop teasing me I'd either be convinced that I'm that amusing or you're that drunk," Yixing warned but his words only made Junmyeon ease into the high backrest of his chair and look at Yixing while unsuccessfully containing his chuckles.

"I cannot get drunk with Jacklyn-ah. So which one is it?" Yixing just returned the quip with an eyeroll.

He let Junmyeon's inner child be happy with his own teasing while he let his inner child be happy by putting another chocolate into his mouth. Their dinner was ending and since Junmyeon had not once mentioned about The Talk, Yixing comforted himself that Junmyeon probably wanted to remain good friends with how their night was going. Baekhyun would bring him out to friendly dates as well, though they were more of the fast food kind of eating out without a strict dress code.

"Yixing," Junmyeon started after straightening from his seat and taking a sip from his glass. "I've thought about your confession and I would like to give us a try."

And instead of choking on the melted chocolate in his mouth, he grabbed for his goblet and pointed between them to ask if what Junmyeon meant was the same with his understanding.

It took at least three big gulps of water and a couple of deep breaths for his throat to stop the spasms. And another breath to ask, "Us? We're going out romantically?"

"Yes, that is what I'd like to try," Junmyeon confirmed.

"That really makes me happy! Does telling me this make you happy, too?" Yixing gushed and almost left his seat to hug Junmyeon when the other nodded. "I thought you were just being nice by bringing me to this kind of dinner to turn me down because you're straight or you just can't like me that way—oh god I am so happy."

"You were thinking a seven-course meal is a friendly dinner?"

"Because it is still possible. I'll bring my friends to fancy places like this if I were financially capable," Yixing muttered, the matter which his brain conveniently forgot in favor of food coming back in a gasp. "How much do I need to pay for, by the way?"

"Pay for what?" asked Junmyeon.

"The meal!"

"I've already taken care of it."

"I know I can't pay for my meal alone in full but at least I should still pay for a part of it," Yixing insisted.

"Then pay for my cab fare home," Junmyeon negotiated. "I was the one who invited you here so you shouldn't have worried about the bill."

"Can I pay for the two of us the next time we go out on a date?" he asked, not convinced that a few thousand won for Junmyeon's fare was enough of a contribution.

"Okay," conceded Junmyeon as he gestured for them to leave.

The elevator ride was an affair of stolen glances from Yixing accompanied by the soft elevator music. He didn't want to flood Junmyeon with more of his gushing, his tendency whenever he was in a very positive mood, so when Junmyeon turned to ask him of the matter, he shook his head and smiled to his—Yixing couldn't even say it to himself! His ears warmed just from the thought and he hoped he could naturally call Junmyeon by the word in the future.

"Yixing, our relationship is my first like it and though this is also my first time coming out to someone," Junmyeon said when the old lady who was in the elevator ride with them exited on the 22nd floor.

Yixing nodded when Junmyeon looked at him.

"It's just recently I've come to accept I can like guys, too, but I don't wish to come all out and announce it," continued the guy, making Yixing nod again in understanding. "I have a lot to lose which I have worked so hard for and I am sure I will not recover if it happens."

A part of him felt bad about having to keep their relationship but a bigger part understood Junmyeon's position, mainly for the reason that Junmyeon was himself because of all the things he had, and he was having, and Yixing liked and accepted him that way. And if there was someone he knew who was meant for greater things, he believed it was Junmyeon.

"I understand," Yixing repeated out loud to assure Junmyeon that he did.

They didn't have to wait long to hail a cab because as soon as they reached the bay, one was already waiting. And before Junmyeon entered the backseat, Yixing asked him if he could have a hug.

The moment Junmyeon's arms opened was the moment Yixing's grin grew again on his face. The hug was a brief one, but Yixing hoped that his happiness was well-conveyed through it.

"Thank you," he said just as the hug ended.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Junmyeon returned.

| • • • |

The following breakfasts spent together remained the same—Yixing was usually the first to arrive at the cafe, and the staff had become acquainted with them and their orders that by the time Junmyeon joined him, the other's tray of warm breakfast would come in less than ten minutes. Yixing appreciated the gesture, and gave the staff discount coupons to the bookstore whenever available.

It was still Yixing talking most of the time, but that was because Junmyeon thought his stories to be too technical it could be boring. Sometimes, Yixing would hear them, although they were too general that he knew it took a great deal of dumbing down for Junmyeon. The effort still made him happy, though, and whenever a remark of his made Junmyeon smile even just a little, he became happier.

Junmyeon chatted him more often during breaks, and whenever time afforded, Yixing would be invited out to dinner during post-calls, too. So far there were only two rules Junmyeon had asked and they both agreed to about their relationship—first was that, as it was mostly still a secret, public displays of affection would never be okay; second was that Yixing should never visit Junmyeon at work the same way Junmyeon could be expected not to suddenly show up in Yixing's university out of a whim.

When Yixing informed Junmyeon that he had told his best friend and his mother about their relationship, the other became silent for a while. Worried that it was a bad move made too early, he assured Junmyeon that the news was as general as him 'dating a great person', following up that Baekhyun must have figured out who since the younger was Yixing's confidant and that he and Junmyeon were probably schoolmates. And as much as he wanted to formally introduce Junmyeon to his mother, and eventually his grandma, he confessed it would not happen anytime soon due to his financial situation. It was a relief to him when Junmyeon seemed to have resumed breathing after his explanation.

Following such agreement, getting a text from Junmyeon at past nine in the evening asking if he could see Yixing was out of the ordinary. Yixing still understood the situation, though, since they could not meet during breakfast that week due to Junmyeon's schedule. While composing his reply, Junmyeon had sent another message asking if he could call instead. Yixing had to erase what he had typed and reply with a simple yes instead.

"Junmyeon, are you okay?"

'Yeah. I'm on my way out and it is easier to talk than type.'

Yixing sighed, relieved that Junmyeon was okay. "I'm about to leave the apartment as well. Where do you want to meet and eat?"

'How about your place? I'm too tired to stay out right now.'

That made Yixing return to his room to survey the disarray. So far he had tidied up a bit during the weekend (thank heavens!) and it was just his desk that needed a lot of help.

"Do you want to stay for the night? You can take my bed," he offered. "Although I have to confirm first with my roommate that it's totally okay."

'Okay.'

"Wait a moment."

Yixing tapped the mute button then headed to the next room. After a rhythmic knock on the door, a voice answered for him to come in. He chose to peek his head, finding Baekhyun in front of his multiple PC monitors in the middle of a game.

"Baek, I know it's sudden and I apologise but can Junmyeon spend the night here tonight?"

The younger did a double take to his direction, paused his game and removed his headphones. "I am finally meeting The Boyfriend?" Baekhyun asked.

"That will be the case."

"Yeah! Sure! And as long as I can't hear you two banging from here then I am cool." Baekhyun grinned when Yixing gave him a playful scoff.

"Thanks, Baek," he said before returning to the call. "Junmyeon? Baekhyun said okay."

'That's great. Can you forward me your address to give to the cab driver? I'll be ending the call now.'

"Yes. I'll see you."

As soon as he heard a beep, he immediately typed his address and sent it to Junmyeon. A thumbs up and an 'on my way' convinced Yixing to grab a jacket and wait for the other by the building's entrance. 

It was less than fifteen minutes later, while reading Baekhyun's message of ordering pizza for a snack, that a cab slowed down in front of the building. He stood up and watched as Junmyeon paid his fare and exited the car. Coming closer, he joined when Junmyeon bowed to thank the driver.

"Hi," Yixing greeted when Junmyeon straightened and looked at him. 

"Hello," the other returned.

Junmyeon was wearing a white knitted jumper, making the black strap of his duffel bag noticeable on his shoulder. Yixing pointed to it and asked, "Need help with that?"

He didn't wait for Junmyeon's answer when the other had to take a breath in to think. Junmyeon's face was pale with apparent tiredness and Yixing's help could only be as much as holding a bag for him. He slung the strap on his shoulder and gestured to his guest to follow him.

"Did something happen at work?" Yixing asked as they climbed the stairs.

"I just had too much of it," Junmyeon answered quietly.

"I'm the distraction then," he supplied, earning him a weak smile from the other.

"More than being a distraction, your company is a sort of reward after a long day at work."

"That sounded nice," Yixing noted, smiling. He was walking ahead, thankfully, or else Junmyeon would have easily seen him blushing.

"I still have some leftover stir-fried veggies and Baekhyun has ordered pizza. Do you want to eat something else? We can call for delivery," he asked as they climbed the last flight of stairs. 

Two doors to the right after and Junmyeon's, "I'm good with the veggies and pizza", Yixing opened the door to his shared apartment and ushered the man in.

Junmyeon was taking off his shoes when Yixing decided to call for his roommate. There was no answer from Baekhyun, but some mutters and the incessant clicking of the mouse could be heard from the younger's room.

"He's probably in the middle of a campaign," he supplied, turning to walk ahead after Junmyeon put his shoes aside.

"What does your roommate do?" came Junmyeon's curious inquiry from behind, and Yixing was about to answer when warmth pulled on his left hand and fingers soon wove with his.

His surprise morphed into endearment when he briefly looked back to Junmyeon who evaded his gaze and stared at their held hands instead. Yixing squeezed it a bit before pulling to guide Junmyeon to the living room.

"He's a pro-gamer so I mostly benefit from the super speedy Internet," he answered, salvaging his cool when he felt like he could melt into a puddle out of a simple hand holding.

Too bad he had to let go to put down Junmyeon's bag and head to the kitchen to reheat leftovers while waiting for the pizza delivery. Junmyeon waited by the dining table, and Yixing was about to tell him to sit when Baekhyun emerged from his room.

"Oh—Hi," Baekhyun greeted Junmyeon who bowed at him, then turned to Yixing. "Hyung, has the pizza arrived?"

"Not yet," he answered as he hastily stirred the veggies to heat it faster so that he could introduce the two. His worry was unneeded when he overheard Baekhyun introduce himself but was cut short when the doorbell rang and the younger excused himself to answer it.

Yixing gestured for Junmyeon to sit as he brought the bowl of veggies to the table and handed him a pair of chopsticks. Junmyeon stood up again when Baekhyun returned and joined them in the table with two medium boxes of pizza and introduced himself.

"I'm Kim Junmyeon."

"Sit down, hyung. Of course I know you," Baekhyun said, busying himself with opening a pizza box. Yixing helped out to open the other. "You're this guy's boyfriend, right?"

Yixing almost cut himself when his hands stuttered and slid on the lid after hearing his roommate. He nervously looked at Junmyeon who nodded to Baekhyun's question.

"Yixing mentioned we were schoolmates," Junmyeon returned while it was Baekhyun's turn to nod. "Now that I've met you, your face is indeed familiar."

Baekhyun took a slice from the box he opened, a seafood pizza, and gestured for them to dig in. With the way he easily draped himself on the chair meant he'd stay to pester Junmyeon or tease Yixing, or both since Baekhyun was too smart and could multitask well.

"I'm also from the science and technology program and a year below yours if that helps," volunteered Baekhyun while picking on the white meat toppings of his slice. "Though I mostly hung out with the artists since most of my middle school friends were in that program. I doubt you've seen me enough to remember me but you were quite popular so I do remember you."

Yixing took a slice of rib-topped pizza from the box in front of him and moved to sit next to Junmyeon in the table to face the younger. With the low lamp above them, Baekhyun's questioning seemed to have turned into an interrogation.

"So how did you two meet?" Baekhyun asked Junmyeon with an innocent curiosity that almost convinced Yixing to be true. Except Yixing knew otherwise because he could have told the story to Baekhyun enough times it was almost the younger's bedtime story.

"Baek," Yixing warned.

"Come on, hyung. I just wanted to hear his version."

He watched as Junmyeon put his bowl down and thought a bit while chewing before answering the question.

"We met at the cafe across the bookstore he's working at. He was quite chatty and nice for someone sharing a seat next to mine I thought I was being scammed," Junmyeon admitted, sending Baekhyun laughing and Yixing goggling at the man eating next to him.

"This is the first time I've heard about this!" Yixing exclaimed in disbelief. 

"It's because you're not asking, hyung," Baekhyun said with a sinister grin on his face, while Junmyeon easily agreed.

"What is Yixing's version of our meeting like?" Junmyeon directed towards his roommate, putting down his nearly empty bowl and reached for a slice of rib pizza.

"Like a fairytale. Do you want to hear it?"

Yixing groaned for being suddenly bullied by the two and struggled not to facepalm himself with his greasy hand. Baekhyun and Junmyeon gave him a measured glance and soon to his relief, Junmyeon said, "I'll hear it next time."

"Don't worry, hyung, you have my loyalty," Baekhyun told him while Yixing retorted, "But you almost told him!" with a playful kick towards the younger's leg under the table.

"Now I am curious," Junmyeon said as he watched their banter.

"Bribe me well next time, hyung," answered Baekhyun. Yixing clicked his tongue with the betrayal as Junmyeon smiled and nodded.

Baekhyun's next questions veered more to the friendly, getting-to-know types for Junmyeon such as work life and hobbies. Unlike Yixing, though, Baekhyun was more familiar with the few stray jargons Junmyeon had used so the conversation between the two was smoother than expected. He was listening to the exchange, munching on his slice, when Junmyeon finished his own and hesitated for the next.

"Try this, hyung, if you haven't yet," Baekhyun suggested and offered the pizza in front of them. He was on his third slice and Yixing made a note to himself to make some warm tea for the younger before bedtime.

"I haven't. What is this?"

"Crab Cream. Are you allergic to seafood?"

Junmyeon shook his head. "No. Though I can only have one more slice if I want to sleep soon," he answered, turning towards Yixing still unsure and staring at the half-eaten slice he was holding.

"Would you like to try a bite first?" Yixing guessed.

When Junmyeon nodded and held the wrist of his offering hand steady, Yixing's chest raced and his mind celebrated at the thought that it would be the first time he had shared food with the other like this. His mouth ran dry and his innards flipped when Junmyeon leaned in and took a bite that Yixing thought he was dreaming. It must be, because Junmyeon also held his hand earlier and that skinship was close to impossible.

"How's the pizza, hyung?" asked Baekhyun whose voice sounded like an answer from the heavens for Yixing's internal screaming of SOS.

Yixing bought the distraction and almost hurt his neck when he turned his attention to the younger. Baekhyun's smirking towards him had the warmth on his ears move to his cheek. 

"Don't we always order this?" he returned in the calmest tone he could muster.

"I’m asking our guest," Baekhyun said, his grin in full effect to continue taunting Yixing.

"It's good," Junmyeon answered, thankfully oblivious to the silent teasing Yixing and Baekhyun were having. "I'll try a slice for my last."

"I'll brew us tea," Yixing volunteered, stuffed the rest of his pizza into his mouth, and escaped the table.

And as soon as he left, Baekhyun returned to his friendly conversation with their guest. 

After finishing their tea and cleaning up, Yixing showed Junmyeon into his room and to the bathroom to prepare for bed. The other was still in the shower when he decided to drop by Baekhyun's room to pay for his share of the pizza.

"No need, hyung. That was my treat," Baekhyun answered with his unfaltering rectangular smile.

"You're having a lot of fun," Yixing quipped.

"It's cute you're so whipped," the younger teased further, but soon his expression mellowed and continued with, "I'm happy for you, hyung."

"Thanks, Baek." Yixing put his hand forward for Baekhyun to hold and gave the younger's hand a squeeze before wishing him good night.

When he returned to his room after brushing his teeth, Junmyeon had already changed into a shirt and a pair of boxer shorts, sleeping soundly on his bed. Yixing took care in covering Junmyeon's lower body with the blanket and removing a pillow for himself without waking up the guy but his efforts were fruitless—Junmyeon still woke up and blearily searched for his phone while mumbling, "What time is it?"

"A little past 11. You've just fallen asleep," Yixing answered.

"Are you staying up?" Junmyeon asked, giving up on finding his phone.

"No, I'm sleeping on the couch tonight."

"Why? This is your bed," the other immediately followed, the frown on his sleepy face apparent.

Yixing didn't want Junmyeon to sleep on the couch, that was why, but before he could answer, the other moved to the side and patted the freed up space next to him. He was still contemplating when Junmyeon patted it again with a deeper frown on his face. Yixing didn't want to turn it into a fight on Junmyeon's first sleepover so he relented, returned his pillow and slipped under the covers next to his boyfriend.

He was about to turn off his night lamp when Junmyeon stopped him. When he asked about it, the other answered that he couldn't fall asleep in total darkness, which was something new for Yixing to learn about. Settling on his side facing Junmyeon, he pulled the blanket to cover the other's shoulder and patted it in place.

After saying good night, he closed his eyes and started mentally counting eights for his breathing, afraid that if he didn't calm his heart soon, he'd be kept awake by the thought of having his boyfriend next to him on the bed the whole night.

When trying to sleep was futile in his then position, he adjusted to sleep on his back. But as he did so, Junmyeon scooted towards him that Yixing had to wrap an arm around the other's waist to pull him closer. His bed was small, and he couldn't promise to not move around much while asleep, so it was best if he'd pin himself in place with a bit of Junmyeon's weight on his side; hopefully Junmyeon wouldn't push him out of the bed while asleep either.

"Yixing," Junmyeon said just when Yixing was starting to doze off.

"Hm?"

Junmyeon turned a little to push himself up by his elbow and face him. "It's difficult to go back to sleep," he said.

Yixing opened his eyes and looked at the other. If he had to admit, it would be difficult for him to go back to sleep in their current position—when almost half of Junmyeon's body weight was on him.

Although he knew just what to do for the other on such a situation.

"Go lie down on your back and close your eyes," he told Junmyeon. "This will help you sleep in no time."

When Junmyeon followed his instructions, Yixing turned to his stomach and push himself up a bit so he could lightly touch the other's face. His pointer finger started on Junmyeon's eyebrow, touching and following its arc as if he was drawing it, and then he moved to the opposite eyebrow, drawing the same.

"My grandma always did this for me before bedtime," he said softly. "She would trace my face so I could relax and easily fall asleep."

Yixing carefully traced Junmyeon's eyelid, drawing the lashes as well. Then the other eyelid. His unsteady heartbeats relaxing to the pace of his work. And he started between the other's eyebrows, slowly going down the bridge of Junmyeon's nose until he reached the tip, and continuing down his philtrum and ending on the tip of his upper lip. Junmyeon's breathing slowed down as well, his face less tense, a sign for Yixing that the other was starting to drift off.

He silently continued until he had traced every line up to every corner of Junmyeon's face. When he was sure that the other had fallen asleep, he gently cupped Junmyeon's cheek and planted a soft kiss on the sleeping guy's forehead.

Yixing's gaze remained on Junmyeon for a bit. And when he was so sure of his words, he finally let them escape his lips, spilling the feelings he had been having for Junmyeon for quite some time.

"I love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
Noodles has just recovered from sickness and was still able to finish proofreading one week earlier than the intended posting date for this chapter, thus the early update. Thank Noodles.   



	3. everything's gonna be alright

The buzz of the old aircon in his room at night was usually too noisy to lull Junmyeon to sleep even after a full 26-hour shift at the hospital. But Yixing's sudden appearance and the fight that followed drained him that he only had to close his eyes and let rest easily take over. He had sent Yixing a message that he would surely be at the café tomorrow right after reaching home, although he decided not to wait another ten minutes for any acknowledgement because spending too much time staring at one's phone for a lone 'okay', even for an emoji that meant like it, was stupid.

He might have only been asleep for a few minutes when he felt a dip at the foot of his bed. His flatmates were not the type to intrude into anybody's room especially at this hour so it was suspicious, forcing Junmyeon to open his tired eyes and peep at whoever entered his room.

"Yixing?" he asked, voice a bit rough from tiredness as his vision focused on the guy sitting next to his blanketed feet and watching him.

"Why are you here?" he soon asked when Yixing remained silent, only the faint light from the bedside lamp illuminating the gentle expression on his face.

"I know I shouldn't be," Yixing softly answered, "but I just wanted to see you."

Hearing it the second time from the other only made Junmyeon's chest hurt like it did the previous night. 

"I'm still mad at you, you know," he said, trying to ignore the way Yixing's accusations stung.

"I know." A weak smile ghosted Yixing's lips, and he soon continued, "And I understand."

Junmyeon watched as Yixing reached out and tucked the stray hair covering a part of his eyes to the side. He then let out a breath he didn't notice he was holding.

"I don't like sleeping on problems but we need rest for later."

"What's for later?" Yixing asked, his small smile stretching a bit and looking playful.

"Breakfast. And talk."

"Ah. There's no need." Yixing stood up and faced him, saying, "I understand."

Not another serving of Yixing's understanding. Junmyeon didn't even know what exactly was the thing that the other understood, and it was frustrating enough that even though he was tired and sleepy, he forced himself to sit up.

"It's not like our problems will magically disappear just because you understand. I don't want something like it to happen again and that's the reason why we should talk."

Yixing gave him a reassuring smile before turning away where Junmyeon could not see his face clearly. Then, "I really just wanted to see you."

"I'm sorry for being dismissive earlier," Junmyeon said.

"It's okay."

"Wait—are you leaving?" Junmyeon hurriedly asked, a bit irritated by the way Yixing was fleeing like his visit was a usual thing and he lived just next door.

"Yes, I should." Yixing stopped before the door. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" he returned, earning him an expectant look from Yixing when he turned to look at him.

Junmyeon was not playing any guessing games with the other at three in the morning. He instead patted the empty side of his bed as a stern warning.

"I have not even asked how you knew where I live and how you got yourself in." His tone was even as he gave his bed a strong pat when Yixing did not move. "Stay for the night."

"I really should go."

"Please?"

"I'm sorry," Yixing repeated, turning the knob and opening the door to leave. He smiled as if reassuring Junmyeon that leaving was the better option, triggering a memory from earlier that night, when Yixing stepped back from him and left him in the lobby.

The two scenes were uncannily similar that Junmyeon's chest lurched.

"I love you, Junmyeon," Yixing said, and before he closed the door, he looked back again, the small smile on his lips not dimming.

Junmyeon's heart thrummed at how the words sounded to him when paired with Yixing's expression. Then there was the silence filling the distance between them until the other turned and closed the door.

Yet another chance missed when it came to telling Yixing another truth about him. Junmyeon wanted to return what had been said to him, too, but a breath to the wind was better than words said without the person meant to hear it.

"Yixing," he called, pulling himself out of his blanket and stumbling out of bed.

He ran towards the door, hoping to catch up with the other. The knob unlatched to a click and Junmyeon was stepping out when darkness consumed him.

Junmyeon jolted awake to another morning. The soft whiff of air stung his eyes, his pillow soaked, as he sat up and reminded himself that it was just a dream. The soft morning light peeked from the blinds of his window, remembering it to be fully open, framing the view of the outside, and Yixing was staring at it in his dream. His chest ached from crying but it was just what it was—a dream.

He beat his alarm by waking up nine minutes before it went off, the time glaring on the screen of his phone when he reached for it from his side table. After cancelling his upcoming alarm he looked at his inbox, seeing the message he sent Yixing last night right after he got home from the hospital.

Unread.

His sharp intake of air broke the cold morning silence as he planted his feet on the rugged floor and moved to deal with another day.

'I'm at Good Coffee now' was sent to their chat as he occupied his usual seat at the corner of the long table by the glass window.

Junmyeon might have arrived early, his first time to beat Yixing's record who by then would be waiting on the seat next to Junmyeon's favourite spot, sunlight soaking his features that made everything around him brighter.

The breakfast for two he had ordered for them remained untouched, the coffee mugs before him slowly losing steam as he worked hard to focus on reading the lines of the book he had brought. He had already spent ten to twenty minutes trying to stop himself from looking at the door every time he heard the clinking of the bells. And every time Junmyeon halted from his reading and was met with the face of a stranger, he swallowed the ugly feeling coming up from his stomach.

Yixing's favourite seat next to his remained unoccupied by the thirtieth minute past eight. Another check on their chat with his messages remaining on sent made Junmyeon snort at the hilarity of their situation. Yixing ignoring his messages was probably the other's way of getting even, a stark contrast from the Yixing he saw in his dream, and it was just too unfortunate that Junmyeon was not the type to play along with the real one.

He picked up the breakfast he ordered and brought it to the counter, asking the barista to wrap his share and pass the other half to Yixing when he would drop by. A simple message about the take-away breakfast was sent to Yixing in their chat and Junmyeon left the cafe to return to his apartment to rest.

| • • • |

Compared to the long hours of sitting in the OR in the previous months, being assigned to the OB-GYN department meant more charting and local anaesthesia administration for Junmyeon. When charting was done and he had no schedule for epidurals, he would join some rounds or attend to requests from the other departments, mostly coming from emergency where his specialisation had been the trusted pal of nurses and doctors alike when it came to IVs and intubations. And among their small group of anaesthesiologists in the hospital, Junmyeon was by far the emergency staff's favourite—as for the reason for this, he was not sure of, but he guessed that it might be because he was the youngest among the team of senior gas passers.

During his break, he dropped by the first floor pantry to wait for Joohyun and was soon greeted by a loud 'hyung!'; some tired flailing of the arms; a wide but tired smile; and an open box of donuts on one of the tables. Junmyeon sat across the person and watched the other scrutinize the row of donuts in the box with so much concentration.

"I am supposed to be on post-call but I have decided to sleep over," volunteered the guy, sighing as he finally picked a chocolate frosted donut. He was still in his navy blue scrubs, his curly hair a mess, and his usually slanted eyes twice smaller behind the thick lenses of his glasses.

Dr. Jongdae Kim's unusual unruliness reminded Junmyeon of their med school days, when the younger tended to forget about himself during exam season. Junmyeon rarely got to see the other in this state when they started residency up until fellowship, but maybe because Jongdae would refuse to head out of the trauma bay looking less than his version of decent on a normal day. 

"Tough case?" Junmyeon asked as the other pushed the box of sweets towards him to pick from. It didn't take long for him to take the strawberry glazed one, a scathing reminder that the person he knew who especially liked the flavour was still ignoring him. 

"Mn. Been assigned as attending to a patient who was coding red when they came in," supplied the other doctor. "Imagine stabilising a patient with vWD."

Junmyeon paused from his chewing to think. He had handled a couple of patients before with suspected Von Willebrand disease but most, if not all, were mild cases. 

"Depends on the type and the injury," he returned, internally glad he had yet to encounter a patient with one in his currently assigned department.

"Should have called you to assist so you can share my pain," Jongdae said, almost absently licking his sugared fingers until he realised he had table napkins on the side.

"Whose pain did I need to manage? The patient's or yours?" There was a small tug at the corner of Junmyeon's lips for being funny. 

"Both. I could only start breathing fine when the hematologist came in then we were able to successfully stabilise the patient after a restart. It's rad after that then neuro." The surgeon took a quick sip from his plastic cup and offered his box of donuts again. "Get another, hyung."

"You aren't this nice when it comes to food," Junmyeon wondered out loud. He stuffed the small remaining piece of the strawberry glazed donut and looked into the box again to choose.

"It's my thanks for the dinner last time. Never knew I needed that much food until I was paged for code red hours later."

Junmyeon gave the younger a pursed smile, remembering that the dinner Jongdae was pertaining to was the food Yixing brought him nights ago. He couldn't finish the two meal sets alone, so he gave the other to the younger. He had lost the appetite after the confrontation with Yixing, so heeding the latter's advice to set the extra meal aside for later never became an option. He eventually gave the younger the remaining half of his own meal which Jongdae gladly accepted.

He looked at the donut he had finally chosen from the box, a cinnamon flavoured piece, and covered it with some table napkins. Jongdae threw him a questioning glance but before he could answer, the sound of steps approached their table.

"Joohyun-noona!" Jongdae greeted as enthusiastically as his tired voice would allow him, which wasn't much considering it came out lower than his usual lilt and a bit rough.

Joohyun smiled as she put down her reusable cup carrier full with drinks on the table. She looked at them and noticed the lack of a drinking cup on Junmyeon's side as compared to Jongdae with his plastic cup of water.

"What would do without me, Junmyeon," she scolded as she handed him his order of hot coffee.

"Probably suffering on instant coffee," he retorted, which made the woman smile, and watched as Joohyun picked up another drink from her carrier and gave it to Jongdae, thanking herself for buying extra.

"You get the remaining two, noona," Jongdae offered his box in exchange for the free cup of tea and soon Joohyun was triumphantly grinning after she peeked into the box.

"Trade successful. Anyway, I'm just on tea delivery and I'll be off now. Sorry for interrupting you two," she said while picking up her carrier with her free hand.

Joohyun was already holding tight to the donuts box as she went ahead so there was no time for Jongdae to change his mind regarding his costly food purchase.

Junmyeon moved to stand up from his seat. Then, "My break's ending so I need to get moving as well. Are you staying here, Jongdae?"

The younger surgeon checked his watch and stood up as well, picking up his cup of bartered tea.

"I'll be checking my patient at NICU for a bit," he answered, making Joohyun who was on the way out to look back, saying, "I'm heading there as well."

"Then I'll be going with you," Jongdae told her, then patted Junmyeon's back before striding ahead.

"Thanks for the donuts," Junmyeon called after, getting a grin from the younger as he watched them turn after exiting the cafeteria.

| • • • |

'Yixing? His friend dropped by yesterday and informed me that he won't be working for a while since he's quite sick,' answered the bookstore owner when Junmyeon came by to ask.

Another breakfast was unshared between them with Junmyeon spending a lot of unnecessary time waiting in the café. He tried calling but all attempts did not connect. The thought that Yixing turned his phone off and was moping in the corner somewhere was too ridiculous that Junmyeon decided to leave the cafe, cross the street to enter the bookstore, and directly ask Yixing's employer.

His simmering irritation for Yixing's sudden non-contact immediately cooled upon hearing from the older man. Was it that bad for the other to distance himself? Junmyeon thought as he bought food and a variety of over the counter medications on the way to Yixing's shared apartment. It also reminded him that he could have just asked Yixing to get checked when he dropped by the hospital last time because Junmyeon's initial survey turned out to be inaccurate.

He sent another message on his way up the stairs of the apartment but did not get any response when he rang the doorbell. Junmyeon tried to ring a few more times, even called Yixing, but like his message, they were all unanswered. 

Defeated, he decided to hang the plastic bag of food and medicine on the knob and left Yixing a message about it. He lingered before the door for a few minutes, until he thought hoping was futile. With a contained sigh, he accepted that leaving was his only option then and he could only wait until Yixing was willing to talk to him again.

| • • • |

The small coffee shop in the hospital lobby was always jam-packed with staff and visitors alike. Usually for Junmyeon, the line was not worth the wait thus he always opted for nearby shops outside the hospital, and if desperate, the canned coffee in the cafeteria vending machine.

He arrived an hour too early for his duty this time. And that would mean enough time for him to be overthinking about Yixing again, which had become unhealthy. More so after he woke up from his afternoon nap earlier to a ringing device and thought it was finally a call from the other that he blearily swiped his screen to answer.

But it wasn't a call. It was just his calendar notifying him that Yixing's birthday would be in three days. Yet Junmyeon remained in the dark about the other.

Dropping by the emergency ward, Junmyeon greeted the nurses familiar to him on his way to the trauma team. His brief visit was to ask Jongdae whether he'd want tea, too, and after getting a positive grin and whiny endearment much to the amusement of those in the trauma team, Junmyeon was back in the lobby to queue for some hot drinks.

There were four people in line, with an old couple talking in another language before him. He opened his phone to extend his tea offer to Joohyun via chat as it helped to ignore the conversation he was overhearing. Thankfully, he couldn't easily understand them and sadly, the person he was sure could was still unreachable.

After putting his order, he moved to the claiming area and stood beside the couple. The server in charge of his order greeted him and put the ready cups into a disposable carry-on tray. While waiting for the two remaining drinks being prepared to complete his order, he glanced to his right, towards the old couple, and found the woman staring at him.

It was a contained look of sadness and weariness, an expression Junmyeon had seen a lot of times in the hospital, but there was an uncanny familiarity to her face. And while he tried to recall where he had seen her before, the woman gave him a small bow and her bewildered husband followed. Junmyeon returned the gesture and watched them as they received their order and left.

The odd feeling brought by the encounter was soon forgotten once Junmyeon got his order and his shift started.

| • • • |

A knock made Junmyeon look up from his computer and soon, Joohyun was peeking from the door of the Anaesthesiology Department's shared office space.

The room set-up wasn't as grand as the other departments' which granted their doctors a solo if not shared office, but Junmyeon was fine having a communal space since they were one of the few departments in the hospital which did not need to attend to patients and do rounds. Similar to the GS department in S◯◯ hospital, Junmyeon and the rest of his fellow anaesthesiologists were either constantly called by their assigned departments or going around the ER to assist whenever they had spare time.

"Are you ready?" Joohyun asked him and Junmyeon stood up from his swivel chair to pick up his coat. Pocketing his phone, he then turned off his PC and followed the OB-GYN outside.

"I still can't believe we'll be heading home together," remarked the woman, wearing her amused smile. "What changed?"

"Turns out I am no longer Dr. Yoo's favourite," he answered which made Joohyun break out into her open-mouthed laughter which only lasted for a second.

They were both acquainted to Dr. Yoo, the GS chief who was known to be one of the nicest, if only Junmyeon wasn't his favourite and would book him for late night to early morning operations.

"That's unfortunate for the GS team. We, from OB-GYN, at least know you are indispensable," she said, pushing the down button of the elevator and taming any more of her laugh with the back of her hand.

"I know." Junmyeon smiled, absently putting his hand into his coat pocket and feeling his phone in it. 

"I hope the management gets to recruit new members for your team. Can't rely much on interns since most of the young ones choose plastic surgery or derma in the end," Joohyun supplied as she swayed a bit in her place while they waited for the elevator.

Junmyeon took this time to pull out his phone and check for any new messages. He got one from his mom and a few from his friends, but none from Yixing.

The elevator dinged as it opened before them, just when Junmyeon had opened his messaging app to type another message for Yixing when a voice from within the elevator greeted him and Joohyun.

Miss Kim's eyes were rounded in surprise as she stepped back to make more space for them. She was a nurse assigned to CS, as well as a member of the exclusive circle for gossips made up of different hospital staff in S◯◯. It was thanks to this group that Junmyeon and Joohyun were rumoured to be a couple and got quite famous because of it.

He and Joohyun didn't try to deny it, though, as being mistaken to be a couple in the hospital at the current stage of their career was better than being constantly pestered by the higher ups to attend arranged interviews with other single people related to the board or a family friend. They had been friends since they were in med school and almost siblings to each other, so it was not difficult for them to arrange and agree to share a flat and live together. It provided a nice cover-up, too, especially when Joohyun opened up to him that she dated women and would probably be dating more in the future, and Junmyeon as a friend deserved to be aware of that fact. Junmyeon was yet to meet Yixing when Joohyun revealed this, unfortunately, so when he and Yixing became boyfriends, he had no chance nor courage to tell the woman about it.

Their set-up was convincing enough—maybe too convincing because it played against Junmyeon when Yixing believed it and accused him of cheating. Junmyeon couldn't blame Yixing for thinking that way since he was yet to properly explain the situation even to Joohyun.

Are you feeling better now? I want to see you|

Junmyeon paused his typing and pressed on the backspace button fast. He knew it sounded desperate and it disgusted him. He tried composing a new message, aware of the stare the nurse in the elevator was giving him and Joohyun.

I hope you're feeling better now. Let's have breakfast soon|

He took a breath in, content with his message, and tapped the send button. Staring at his screen was the next thing he did, hoping that the status would at least change to 'Seen' but it didn't after a few seconds and also a few floors down. It had been a few minutes past five days since Yixing started ignoring him. It must have been the same—what it felt like for the other when Junmyeon had not replied to the messages.

"If it is a concert ticket or an online shopping sale then maybe I can help," volunteered Joohyun who also held onto his arm as a comforting gesture when Junmyeon had once again pocketed his phone.

He could only return a confused look to his friend, and a wary one to their other elevator company.

"Your attention to your phone for the past days has been worrisome," Joohyun supplied while Junmyeon only gave her a pursed smile. She soon continued, "So which is it?"

"I'm just waiting for a response," Junmyeon answered.

"Is it an application to study abroad?" Joohyun returned curiously.

The elevator sounded and opened with Miss Kim exiting on the second floor. Both of them heaved a sigh of relief, aware of the talks by tomorrow of Junmyeon and Joohyun being the adorable couple again: elevator edition.

"A date?" The woman's tone in her inquiry changed to a more curious, more playful kind now that there was no one to eavesdrop on them.

"Note quite. Just meeting the person to talk." And clarify things, he thought. But Joohyun seemed to be unconvinced that she nudged him playfully on the side while Junmyeon had to return it with an equally playful glare.

"Tell me how your 'meeting' goes, okay?" She smiled sweetly while Junmyeon grimaced and let out a defeated sigh as a reply.

They finally reached the lobby, and since Joohyun had decided not to drive to work for the day, they had to wait for a cab outside to get to their shared flat. Both noticing that it was raining outside, Joohyun paused and immediately rummaged her leather bag for her umbrella. She soon offered to share it with Junmyeon since she knew that he had not brought one with him. It was a light rain anyway, so Junmyeon could use his messenger bag to shield him if they were to get into the cab, he reasoned, but since the woman insisted to avoid them getting sick, he accepted.

Loud clinks of falling coins on the floor caught both of their attention towards the corner of the lobby. A man in a cerulean jacket was bending before the vending machine to pick up his coins but proceeded to sit and curl into himself, shaking. Joohyun moved fast to approach the person while Junmyeon followed close.

"Excuse me, sir? Is there anything I can do to help you?" Joohyun asked, standing about a foot away from the man who, upon closer look, was crying by himself. Must be a breakdown or a meltdown were Junmyeon's initial guesses as he observed.

The man shook his head that was wrapped in his arms and continued sobbing.

"I'll help pick up your coins. Is that okay?" Joohyun asked, and when they both heard a weak and garbled 'thank you' from the person, Junmyeon also helped by picking up the ones which rolled ways off.

He was handing Joohyun the four coins he had picked when she continued to ask the person, "Are you feeling sick? We're doctors here and I can get you help if you need it."

Joohyun's emollient words were only returned with profuse head shaking and wiping of tears from the person. The guy finally unburied his head from his arms and cupped his trembling hands to accept his fallen coins from the Joohyun.

"No, thank you," the person said, his voice shaking from crying.

Junmyeon moved to get his wallet from his bag and fed a bill to the vending machine to get a bottle of water.

"I'm sorry for the scene. Just having a really bad day. I came to get coffee and couldn't slot the coins," continued the person.

"Caffeine and crying can effectively dehydrate you, so please accept this water instead," Junmyeon offered as he approached the two.

Junmyeon's hand paused as the bottle was accepted, his gaze not leaving the face of the person who had straightened up from his squatting on the floor.

The one having a breakdown over his fallen coins in the hospital hobby was quite familiar to Junmyeon—the only difference was that unlike their previous meetings, the guy's eyes and nose were quite red from his breakdown.

"Baekhyun?"

"Dr. Kim." Baekhyun then averted his gaze and bowed to thank Junmyeon and Joohyun. "Thank you for helping," he muttered and nodded, hurrying to leave.

"Joohyun, I'm sorry but you can go ahead. I have to talk to him," Junmyeon said without leaving his gaze towards Baekhyun's retreating back. He didn't wait for the woman's confirmation and started running to catch up to the man.

"Baekhyun!" Junmyeon called, making the other halt his strides, and took the few steps needed to lessen the distance between them to a comfortable amount that they can talk.

Except Baekhyun did not look comfortable at all and held a pointed gaze towards Junmyeon. His lips were pursed in a beheld frown which was uncomfortable for Junmyeon to witness because for the times he saw Baekhyun when he visited the guy's and Yixing's apartment, Baekhyun was the happy, smiley person. And with the way he stood where his shoulders were a bit drooped that he looked like he'd bolt anytime, Baekhyun easily made his hostility apparent.

"Dr. Kim, are you sure it's okay to leave your kind company like that?" Baekhyun asked, not as a question it seemed but more like a request for Junmyeon to not approach him.

"This is about Yixing," Junmyeon said, hoping that Baekhyun would at least listen. There had been an ugly thought knocking at the back of his mind that he was trying to ignore since seeing the younger in the hospital.

"What about Xing-hyung?" Baekhyun's tone only got colder.

"I have been trying to reach him for days but I couldn't."

"Hyung's phone broke nights ago." The younger's lips pursed for a bit while Junmyeon's brains tried to calm himself down and stop thinking that it happened because of the fight. "Is there anything else, doctor?"

Baekhyun had probably heard from Yixing about it, because the way he answered and addressed Junmyeon was full of distaste. It stung a bit, but being Yixing's best friend meant Baekhyun would be difficult to him. 

"I just want to make sure he's okay. I heard from the bookshop owner that he's sick." He gripped the strap of his bag tighter and continued, asking, "How is he?"

"Hyung especially asked me not to tell you," answered Baekhyun, his voice softer as if doing so would try to mask how it shook. The way his gaze remained sharp on Junmyeon, though, spoke so much of contained anger.

Junmyeon could only silently accept the younger's blame, because what hurt more at that moment was the way Yixing had been keeping things from him when it no longer concerned their confrontation.

"He said he no longer wanted to bother you since you were over anyway," Baekhyun supplied.

"Did he say that?" Junmyeon's question came out fast as his insides churned.

"Hyung said you were the one who called it quits, Dr. Kim. Don't ask me." Baekhyun didn't wait for anything from Junmyeon and turned to walk away. 

Whatever was happening, Junmyeon could barely follow. He remembered he was angry that night when Yixing last visited him. He remembered they had a fight. But he couldn't remember the part when he told Yixing they were over.

"I didn't," Junmyeon said, calling Baekhyun's attention. "Baekhyun, it's a misunderstanding.

"Please help me," he continued, pleading, "Let me talk to him?"

Baekhyun's silently angry expression relaxed a bit on his face. "Whatever you say," he muttered and walked ahead. "With how things stand it probably won't matter much. Follow me."

Junmyeon was too into his head, forming questions and explanations for Yixing once he saw him, that he barely noticed where Baekhyun was leading him. He just followed the blue that was the younger's jacket, passing corridors with a brief ride in the elevator, and stopped when the younger did.

Glass doors slid apart before them and that was when Junmyeon realised what had escaped him. His throat dried at the sight of the decals on the glass doors when he tried to convince himself that he was mistaken. A familiar voice greeted him, the tone a bit curious, when he entered.

It was from Nurse Shon, the charge nurse of NICU. She had a small talk with Baekhyun, whom she reassured that the patient was doing fine now and advised that Baekhyun should get some rest, too. When she turned to Junmyeon to ask about his visit, what Junmyeon only managed to return was a question whether he could see the patient.

The rampant, painful lurching in Junmyeon's chest was forgotten when he stood next to Baekhyun before a row of glass separating each room in the unit from the common area and the nurses' station. A person was hooked to the machines on the bed, and Junmyeon refused to acknowledge that it was Yixing he was seeing. The person could be, but his was the face Junmyeon could barely recognise with how almost half of it was swollen. A black eye was on the side where a part of it was bandaged, his other cheek had a wide, red-purple bruise, and a bruising cut was on the corner of his lips, partly obscured by the ET tube connecting the patient to the ventilator.

There was a lot going on with the person on the bed and after Junmyeon did an initial assessment by skimming his gaze from the patient's neck where a CVC through the internal jugular vein was placed, down to the various bruises blooming on his chest, he then moved his gaze towards the monitors to check the vitals. Junmyeon's brains still tried to convince himself that it could not be Yixing.

It took a lasting while of silence between him and Baekhyun until the younger said, "It's been like this for four days now. I witnessed him slipping earlier and I can only imagine how difficult it must be for auntie and uncle to see Yixing-hyung like this. We've been told by the doctors to be prepared but we guessed we really couldn't be."

Junmyeon watched Baekhyun take a breath and swipe a tear away in his periphery, his attention still on the numbers on the monitor. He had been waiting for that announcement where Baekhyun would exclaim that Junmyeon was punk'd and that everything was just an elaborate bad joke. Or even a bad dream.

Yet things remained as they were—heavy and depressing that it was suffocating and he could only be compelled to ask Baekhyun questions to better understand the situation.

"What happened?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally got the energy to finish writing and editing a chapter for this story. How's anybody reading this? Life hopefully treats you well.
> 
> Have you listened to Jade? Click [here](https://layzhang.lnk.to/LAY_Jade) and give the song and Yixing the support they deserve. Also, an advanced happy birthday to Junmyeon!


	4. watching the world burn

Junmyeon had always returned to the spot before the window, except this time instead of the busy road and the bookstore across the street lit by early morning sunlight, it was a small room with blinking machines and a patient on the bed.

There was no pop music from the café stereos playing, or the occasional tinkle of the doors opening for new customers who were looking for a dose of coffee and some warm breakfast sandwich. There was only the heavy silence and occasional murmurs from the NICU team and beeps from the machines. He would sometimes find Yixing sleeping at the corner of the café while waiting for him, but the Yixing he was facing at the moment was neither sleeping nor someone who would wake up in any minute and greet him with a smile.

The doctor in him knew that Yixing was oblivious to pain at the moment, but having heard from Baekhyun that Yixing was still able to get home that night, Junmyeon was aware that it must have been painful.

Multiple separate injuries from bruised lungs and kidney, cuts at the liver and colon, fractures on the ribs and on his leg, and intracranial bleeding rendered the other in a critical state. The chart he had seen earlier told him of the other's critical status and the advice of the team to Yixing's family to be prepared, but all that Junmyeon could think about was that night he last saw him, the fight, and the promise to see each other the following morning.

"You should let him know you've been visiting," Nurse Shon said, her pursed smile greeting Junmyeon when he acknowledged her. 

Junmyeon did not know what to say. He had been in this sorry state for the whole day until he had to time in for work again. He still could not bring himself to say something to Yixing after spending the whole night in the hospital and returning during his breaks to observe and monitor the other's vitals in a safe distance. It sounded pathetic but just the thought of coming closer was something he couldn't do, because it felt like if he did he would get quite sick himself. 

"I can't," he answered. "Not like this." 

"Not like what?" the nurse curiously asked while cleaning her hands with the sanitizer before the door. "As long as it is not wanting to bolus pressors on my patient, then you're welcome to access his bed area," she added, lightly jesting.

He wore a small smile after hearing that, knowing that the quip had actually crossed his mind after seeing how labile Yixing was. But different sets of rules were in effect in each unit and since he was only an observer, he could not interfere with NICU's care. Besides, those in the team looking after Yixing were hard workers with Nurse Shon being the best example—the woman had been constantly returning to Yixing's bedside to titrate the medications and make sure Yixing was staying with them. 

Nurse Shon did not wait for Junmyeon's response and proceeded with her routine to check on her patient while he watched from the outside. She checked the lines and pumps after she informed Yixing of her visit. After she made sure everything was progressing towards the team's goal for the day and keyed them into the computer, she gently readjusted Yixing a bit on the bed while telling him that she'd be back and rechecked the lines and drips.

Yixing was the restless sleeper between them two—this, Junmyeon recalled from his first visit to Yixing's and Baekhyun's apartment more than a month ago. Yixing was unbelievably talented even while asleep because his silent gymnastics on the bed throughout that night not once disturbed Junmyeon's rest. It was only on the following morning that Junmyeon realised it wasn't the blanket that was restricting his movements but Yixing's legs on him. Sleeping soundly on his stomach, the other's head and arm were dangling on the side of the bed which could make all the PTs Junmyeon personally knew in the hospital cringe with how bad Yixing's sleeping posture was. But Junmyeon could not really complain when he himself was guilty with his shrimp-like sleeping.

Seeing Yixing's unnatural repose on his NICU bed made Junmyeon miss that sort of liveliness from the other. And made him wish harder for his current ordeal to be over.

| • • • |

The café in the lobby was still crammed with mostly hospital staff taking their breaks at eight in the evening. Junmyeon had just come back from post-op duties and after dropping by the NICU to check on Yixing, he invited Baekhyun to dinner. The younger must be tired or hungry—or both—because Junmyeon would usually be dismissed or coldly regarded, but Baekhyun this time answered with a quiet okay and followed Junmyeon to the ground floor.

Though Junmyeon offered to treat Baekhyun, the other easily chose the cheapest meal set on the menu and left to find themselves a table. There wasn't much exchanged aside from a small 'thanks' from Baekhyun when Junmyeon brought their food and drinks, and it felt weird for him who never thought it would be that awkward between him and Baekhyun without Yixing around. Or maybe what brought the impasse on their interactions was the situation they were both experiencing.

"I have already talked to Nurse Shon about Yixing's birthday and she said if it is a small, quiet one then we can have a bit of celebration for tomorrow," Junmyeon said, watching as Baekhyun suddenly paused from his eating and gave him a measured look as if he wanted to say something but decided against it.

With his chapped lips pursed, Baekhyun nodded and replied, "Sure. What can I bring to the unit?"

"No flowers or balloons. Some tape-on decos will do but please get blue tacks so we can stick them on and remove them easily," he suggested, then continued, "I can get the cake done."

Junmyeon had already called earlier in the morning to have a cake delivered to the hospital, but he decided to just keep it to himself when Baekhyun nodded again and before returning to his food, muttered, "Sure, Dr. Kim."

"No need to be formal. You can just call me 'hyung' like you used to," Junmyeon offered while returning to minding his own plate of grilled chicken which was barely eaten.

"You're a doctor in this hospital. You and the people around you are particular of your titles."

"Are we not at least acquaintances?" he challenged, giving Baekhyun a glance while he seared some chicken meat with his fork.

"We're more like strangers? I am just a friend of a friend."

Junmyeon's hand halted as he tried to school his features upon hearing Baekhyun's words.

Then, "While you are the nice doctor pitying that friend," continued the younger man. The corner of Baekhyun's lips lifted, his eyes in mirthless crescents as he picked up his serving of cold coffee.

Junmyeon chose to focus on the melting ice tubes inside the glass in front of him as he thought of a good explanation as to why he had to introduce himself that way to the team that was managing Yixing. Almost half of those people, although acquaintances, were not aware of that truth about himself yet. And though he had been contemplating just saying it as it was just to be over it, he couldn't find himself to take that step forward. He couldn't risk it.

"There's too much for you to lose, Dr. Kim, I know. It's probably embarrassing on top of that secret to be with Yixing-hyung, isn't it?"

"I'm not ready to come clean about certain things, Baekhyun, that I can honestly tell you. But please don't put words into my mouth."

"Oh, no, I am not. That's just what you've made Yixing-hyung feel all this time you've been hiding about your relationship. It's being inadequate that he believed the reason why you had to find someone else when he told me you two broke up," supplied Baekhyun who soon finished his iced coffee and decided to pick up the ice tubes with his straw. "You know I wanted to head here and just beat the sense out of you after hearing those from hyung. I got cheated on by an ex as well so I know very well how it feels. Didn't really matter whoever replaced me but the feeling of being not enough? That shit was traumatizing."

"I understand if you're still mad at me, but please believe me that the break up is a misunderstanding. I never said anything like that."

"Then, tell me Dr. Kim, what did you say to hyung that night? Why did he leave with that kind of misunderstanding?"

Junmyeon had been thinking about it ever since hearing it from Baekhyun the first time. Most of the time he came up with nothing but Yixing's shaken countenance and the bitter smile on the other's lips. And the more Junmyeon thought about the words that left him that night for such a reaction and Yixing's understanding of it, the stronger his chest struggled to ignore the pain as the memory gradually settled.

'It would have been better...'

There was a knowing look in the younger man's eyes when Junmyeon glanced at Baekhyun. And it only took a few more seconds of appraisal from the latter to be muttering 'bastard' under his breath and for Junmyeon to easily accept the judgement. He himself agreed that it could have been better if he just said something else. If instead he asked Yixing—

"Can I sit here?" Joohyun's smile greeted them as she held her tray and waited for his and Baekhyun's permission. Junmyeon gave a nod when the man across him refused to move his attention from his glass of ice tubes.

"Sure, I'll let the side bitch rescue you," muttered Baekhyun as he gave Junmyeon a scornful glance.

"What did he just call me?" Joohyun asked, her tone surprised.

"A side bitch," Junmyeon heard Baekhyun answer and soon Joohyun was clarifying what it even meant.

It progressed to cold passes between the two in their table but most of it escaped him as the scene from nights ago repeated in his head. Having Joohyun next to him, calling herself an 'independent bitch' as a reply to Baekhyun's remark, whatever that meant, only reminded Junmyeon of Yixing's anger that night. He could have explained to Yixing who Joohyun was. She was 'nobody's side bitch', and she had said it herself, effectively shutting Baekhyun up. And Junmyeon could have told Yixing this among other quirks Joohyun had after knowing the woman for years and could have gotten a similar, muted surprise from the other and something they could eventually laugh together about.

Junmyeon tried to return to his dinner but seeing the untouched plates on the table brought him the thought of a possible dinner from nights back if only he had forgone getting angry. Yixing could not have left and things between them that night could have been settled without it snowballing into the current situation. Junmyeon had a lot of options that night and he could have chosen one of those, yet he went with the shittiest one.

Joohyun was in the middle of telling Baekhyun to not be jealous because she was just a great friend, and before the two would launch to a louder tirade, Junmyeon excused himself by telling Baekhyun he would come check Yixing after his shift and pulled his fellow doctor out of the table with a simple request to talk.

"I should let you know that I don't like anybody to be manhandling me like this. Not even my closest friend," Joohyun warned when they reached the confines of OB-GYN department's meeting room (a.k.a Dr. Bae's actual office).

"I'm sorry," Junmyeon repeated after he apologised right after they exited the café, when Joohyun pulled her wrist away and gave him a pointed look.

"This talk better be worth my dinner because I'm telling you, hangriness is real," Joohyun said as she took a chair out from the conference table, sat down, and gestured for Junmyeon to do the same.

"So? What is it?" she prompted.

"I should have told you this earlier and I could have introduced you two but I didn't and now—now I don't know what else to do because everything has become difficult and I don't even know if this could change anything—" Junmyeon paused as he watched Joohyun's hands wrap his hands that he had been subjecting to a cycle of clasping and unclasping since he sat down.

"Junmyeon, breathe in," Joohyun coaxed as he followed, "breathe out, and now, tell me in the simplest way you can. We'll start there."

"Joohyun, I've been in a relationship with a man," Junmyeon blurted out and waited for the woman to say something, or for her eyes to even round just a bit, coupled with her typical slapping laughter whenever she was a bit amused or annoyed.

"Okay. Will you be telling me who?" Joohyun calmly returned until Junmyeon saw how her thoughts worked behind her gaze. And with the way her face morphed into disbelief, Junmyeon kind of guessed where it was headed.

"I did not interrupt you two earlier, did I?!" she almost shrieked which effectively dried out Junmyeon's tearful eyes out of shock.

"It's not Baekhyun," Junmyeon immediately denied.

"You two are not just being ambivalent?"

Junmyeon shook his head, withholding his comment that Joohyun could have chosen a more familiar term, like 'tsuntsun' and she could have gotten a stronger response, like faster head shaking. The woman's calmness and cluelessness was enough to calm him down.

"No. I've been going out with Baekhyun's best friend."

Joohyun's mouth fell open upon realising who Junmyeon was talking about. Joohyun knew Baekhyun because she eventually recognised the latter after helping him out the night prior, as one of the family and friends of Nurse Shon's patient in the NICU. And Junmyeon had constantly mentioned a name since he started spending most of his free time in the unit.

"Yixing?" she asked.

"Yes, he's my boyfriend."

Junmyeon's eyes started stinging upon realising that he could have easily said it on any other day. He could have said the same to Joohyun when she briefly interrupted them and he could have seen Yixing's possible surprise. But he didn't. 

"Are you angry that I've just told you about this?" Junmyeon followed, his voice starting to crack.

"What—no! No, not at all. You have your reasons for not telling me or anybody and those are all valid. As a friend I am just relieved you're slowly letting yourself be who you are," Joohyun said while soothing him with her trying to relax Junmyeon's clenched fists.

"There's no right or wrong time for coming out and it must have been difficult for you to get here." There was a small, reassuring smile on Joohyun's lips that followed her words when she looked up from their hands.

"Let me give you a hug?" she asked and with Junmyeon's little nod, she gave him a tight squeeze with her thin arms.

"I just want to let you know that as a friend, I will be here for you whenever you need me," she added after a while.

"Thank you, Joohyun," Junmyeon returned.

Joohyun only hummed and gently patted his back. Junmyeon repeated his thanks out of worry that it wasn't enough, earning him a warning pat from the woman.

| • • • |

Standing before the big window to Yixing's small room of machines had started to become automatic for Junmyeon. His legs would bring him to the NICU whenever his brain would recognise a break from work. He still took time to take care of himself and study, but his highest priority at the moment was to make sure Yixing was fine and nothing was amiss under Junmyeon's watch.

After seven days of confinement, Yixing's face was less swollen, the bruises on his skin not as angry as the first time Junmyeon saw them. His vitals improved in the last 24 hours as well, the numbers on the monitors mostly stable that Junmyeon was able to finally breathe easy reading them after a gruelling 48-hour watch. Even Jongdae's cheery tone and hopeful grin had started showing up around Yixing's bed area which was surely a good sign.

Except Junmyeon might be undeserving of even a momentary relief when, while watching the monitors surrounding Yixing, the other's heart rate started climbing. The ECG went past 120, the rhythm on the screen showing wide QRS complexes with indiscernible P-wave. His response was automatic—hands reaching for some sanitizer by the door before going in and accessing the other's bedside. 

"Yixing?" he called, lowering the other's bed as he took another look at the monitors. Alarms started to go off as the ECG line continued to give out the same reading, no pulse.

"Please call for the resuscitation team and bring in the resuscitation trolley," Junmyeon instructed when Nurse Shon came in, wasting no time in climbing Yixing's bed and starting the compressions.

The requested team gradually filled the room as each staff assigned took over with their specific duty during a code. A nurse was on the airway, another nurse was attaching pads on Yixing's chest while the one near Junmyeon was in charge of shooting meds. Nurse Shon's voice commanded nearby while all of Junmyeon's attention was on maintaining the rhythm of his compression.

"Pause CPR," he heard Nurse Shon said, giving Junmyeon a brief chance to look at Yixing's pale face during the rhythm check.

There was a painful knotting inside Junmyeon's chest when his gaze refused to leave the seems face beneath him.

"That's a shockable rhythm. Carry on CPR. Charging the defibrillator," the nurse announced, prompting Junmyeon to return to his task. 

"Stand clear, shocking now." Junmyeon removed himself from the bed and waited for the reading on the monitor after Yixing's body jerked.

A minute and a shock in and Yixing's heart still struggled. Junmyeon climbed back to the bed and resumed his compression, the pain in his chest only getting stronger.

"Dr. Kim, I need you to swap with me," Jongdae, who had finally arrived, said. The attending occupied the space across to be ready for the take over, but Junmyeon wasn't done yet.

"Dr. Kim," Jongdae repeated in a while, his tone commanding.

Junmyeon was doing his best to save Yixing, too, he wanted to tell Jongdae. Of all the people in that room, he was the one who wanted to reverse the situation the most. He could be having v-tach, too, because it hurt and he couldn't breathe properly. He wanted to scream just to lessen it, but the energy he could use on that could be used on resuscitating Yixing instead.

A hand held his shoulder and Junmyeon profusely shook his head. Yixing needed him and he'd never make the same mistake again.

"Dr. Kim—"

"No!" 

Junmyeon jerked awake as his vision cleared. A blurry man in a white coat was tapping the back of his shoulder and was worriedly calling his name. A sound of a pen falling on the table was heard as Junmyeon straightened up in his seat.

He had fallen asleep while studying in their department room and a brief look on his wristwatch told him it was almost a quarter past six in the morning. Dr. Lee, a professor in anesthesiology, had a defeated look on his face when Junmyeon turned to him.

"Did you fall asleep here?" the senior asked, then soon suggested, "Take rest in the on-call room next time."

"I was planning to stay awake last night to study but didn't notice... Sorry for worrying you," he muttered, wiping the wetness that streaked the bridge of his nose and temple, and reaching for his glasses to wear.

"You're off today, right? Better head home and get a decent rest."

"I can't, Dr. Lee. I have things to do here."

Dr. Lee gave him a measured look that Junmyeon chose to ignore by piling his readings on the table. The older soon let go of the topic and started drinking from his mug of coffee.

Junmyeon needed a cup for himself as well but his chest was still heavy from his dream earlier that checking Yixing took precedence. He dumped his pile of print-outs on his computer desk before excusing himself from the senior doctor. And Junmyeon gave the older a smile when the other reminded him of their on-call room privileges as anesthesiologists on his way out.

A brief visit to the washroom must have been lacking because Nurse Shon's smile hung right after her cheerful greeting upon seeing Junmyeon.

"Are you okay, Dr. Kim? What happened to your face?" she asked.

Junmyeon touched the imprint left by his pen on his cheek, an embarrassing reminder of how he fell asleep while studying, and explained it to the nurse.

"Does it hurt?" the woman asked.

"No, it does not. How is Yixing?" he returned, and soon Nurse Shon was handing him her tablet and relayed the changes that occured while Junmyeon was away.

Yixing's vitals had become stable; the proposed DEX trial was approved; and most of the results from the tests were promising. All that was left was for Yixing to wake up so the team could start assessing the extent of his brain injury.

"Good morning, Mrs. Zhang. Back so soon?" Nurse Shon greeted.

It called Junmyeon's attention from the screen and towards the two people who had entered the NICU.

The person with Mrs. Zhang, a man who introduced himself as Jiaer and a family friend to the Zhangs when Junmyeon met him days ago, interpreted the nurse's inquiry in Chinese. This made the middle aged woman nod and greet them with a bow, the clear plastic bags of packed meals she was carrying rustled as they approached Nurse Shon's station.

Mrs. Zhang said something, her voice soft and kind, which Jiaer relayed to them.

"Yixing-ge would get so excited for his birthday that he'd wake up very early and ask auntie to cook him his favourites. Auntie couldn't cook at the moment so she bought food for the team instead. It isn't much but she insists you accept it."

Junmyeon waited with bated breath for Nurse Shon's response, knowing the hospital rules when it came to gifts.

"Mrs. Zhang, hospital staff cannot accept any form of favors from our patients and/or their family members," the nurse explained, eventually dimming the smile on the older woman's lips. Nurse Shon then continued, "But units like us can make exceptions since it is one of our patients' birthday today. But just this one time, okay?"

With profuse thanks, Mrs. Zhang handed Nurse Shon a bag with various containers of food for sharing. It was a lot of food for 'not much', and Junmyeon could only smile at the nurse when the woman eyed him for help. There wasn't much rescuing needed, when upon his simple offer of 'free breakfast', the rest of the nurses in the station joined in and took the bag from Nurse Shon after thanking Mrs. Zhang.

"Auntie is asking whether you've stayed up all night again," Jiaer said.

Junmyeon gave the worried woman a pursed smile and a head shake. "I just got here to check on him, Mrs. Zhang," he supplied, soon remembering to ask, "Did Baekhyun mention what time he will be back?" He could at least help the younger with the decorations, he had been thinking. But only if Baekhyun would actually allow him.

Jiaer asked Mrs. Zhang in Chinese and returned with, "He did not tell the exact time, but he mentioned this afternoon."

Junmyeon nodded in understanding but before he could tell them that he'd stay for most of the morning, Mrs. Zhang insisted for him to accept a bag of food. And though it was relatively smaller than what was given to Nurse Shon, the food containers could at least feed two people.

"We will message you once Baekhyun-hyung back. Until then, auntie suggests that you eat first then rest," Jiaer said after Mrs. Zhang.

"Thank you… although this is a lot."

Jiaer smiled and agreed, telling him, "Think of it as jumping into the river of a mother's love for his son. Just get even by spoiling Yixing-hyung once he's awake."

Junmyeon couldn't help but return Jiaer's optimism with a smile. His plan was the same, and although sharing the breakfast he was holding with Yixing was impossible at the moment, he was calmed by his hope that he'd surely get to spoil the other soon.

| • • • |

**Jongdae, who was supposed to be on post-call, was still in the trauma bay when Junmyeon checked. Luckily, the surgeon friend was around to help Junmyeon out with the breakfast Mrs. Zhang provided. It was only then, when they started digging in, that Junmyeon realised that Jongdae, being Yixing's attending, probably had his own bag of unclaimed breakfast in the NICU. He soon mentioned it but the younger immediately expressed his dissent by stating that Nurse Shon had messaged him about it but he pretended he did not see.**

"You know I can't accept that," Jongdae said before stuffing his face with grilled pork belly, followed by a piece of sweet and salty lotus root.

"You're enjoying this breakfast a lot for someone who refuses to accept the same free meal."

"But this is a free breakfast Mrs. Zhang has given you and is shared with me," retorted Jongdae.

Junmyeon sighed at the route of argument that they were having. He knew Jongdae being a stickler for rules was a huge illusion. The younger was just adept at playing any game by dabbling on the unspoken rules or lack thereof.

"Fine. I'll go to the NICU after this and accept the free meal for you," he conceded, which got Jongdae grinning while his mouth was stuffed with food.

"Come back soon, hyung," Jongdae said sweetly. His smarmy grin faltered soon, when Junmyeon added that he'd owe him a favor for the food delivery.

The hospital was busy again for another day at past seven in the morning and those who had appointments in the outpatient had started trickling in. The crowd helped at masking Junmyeon's loitering when an attempt at sleeping—after bringing Jongdae's food down to the trauma bay—was futile.

After knowing Joohyun was still in the hospital, Jongdae asked Junmyeon to get a portion of his free meal and send it to their friend since the younger couldn't finish all of it by himself. Junmyeon obliged, but when he got to the OB-GYN department, the nurses informed him that Joohyun was still in the middle of an emergency delivery.

This gave Junmyeon time to scroll through his phone while waiting in Joohyun's shared office, checking mails and opening various online shopping sites. It took him around an hour or two to realise what he was scrolling for—not that he did not know why he opened the sites in the first place, he just had no idea what to actually give as a present to Yixing. The three-day alarm he had set on his phone should have been enough to think about it, but that was set for normal, good days where he was left to contend with work for the most part. The time he was having now was too unexpected on top of it being too different, even bizarre, for him that thinking normally was near impossible.

"Need my help?" Joohyun's voice asked, jolting Junmyeon in his seat. She was looking at his screen in his periphery, her entrance to the room he had surely missed.

"Yes, please," Junmyeon replied, ignoring the surprise the woman had caused and instead held his phone to her. "It's a present for Yixing."

There was a flash of realisation on Joohyun's face, then, "Oh! Seungwan messaged me earlier that she has food because it's Yixing's birthday—I'll just go get it first—"

"Wait, I have food for you as well. Jongdae is sharing the food he got from Mrs. Zhang." Junmyeon gestured to the two plastic containers on Joohyun's table.

"I can't pretend I'm on a diet because I am starving," she muttered as she pulled out her phone from her pocket and aggressively tapped the screen, possibly messaging Nurse Shon. "I'll get the food and visit Yixing to thank Mrs. Zhang later," she added, although most probably just reading her text out loud which she had the tendency to do.

"By the way." Junmyeon paused to call Joohyun's attention while the other was busy pulling a chair next to him and opening the food containers. He continued while Joohyun did not wait and just said her thanks before digging in.

"Did you tell Seungwan?" he asked.

"What?"

"About me. And about me and Yixing?"

"That is not something I can tell anybody. It's yours to tell, Junmyeon," Joohyun answered. "Why? Did she say anything?"

Junmyeon shook his head, saying, "No. I just feel like she already knows, with how she's talking to me these past few days."

"I think you're just dealing with an SS-class observant nurse like Seungwan, that is why. She's not an NICU charge nurse if she isn't." Joohyun smiled through her bulging cheeks and Junmyeon was sort of relieved that her own quip did not make her laugh because that would be disastrous.

"Just tell me if you need me to confirm your hunches with her," she added.

"There's no need."

Junmyeon himself ought to tell Nurse Shon in the first place. He followed it with his thanks and watched Joohyun pick up his phone on the table while her other hand was busy with her chopsticks and feeding herself.

"So what were you planning to give to your boyfriend?" she asked while scrolling and tapping on his screen like a seasoned online shopper.

"I'm thinking of getting a jacket for him," he answered, thinking Yixing liked comfy hoodies and Junmyeon would admit that the other looked good in them. Another jacket for Yixing's wardrobe to layer with his hoodies for the cold seasons won't be considered over-the-top.

"I bookmarked some choices from earlier," he soon added when Joohyun was no longer eating and was too preoccupied with Junmyeon's phone. With a few taps she opened the bookmarked pages and was soon smiling, and returning Junmyeon his phone. 

"You just need a second opinion. Get that one," she said, referring to the forest green utility bomber he had picked. "Tell me if you want a matching one because I am willing to buy it for you." Joohyun smiled, her teasing relentless.

"Thanks, Joohyun, and no," muttered Junmyeon as he answered the delivery form and requested for it to be on-the-day, even though he knew Yixing could not receive his present and open it himself.

Once he had placed his order, he helped Joohyun in cleaning up after her meal, only to be interrupted by a knock on the door. When it opened, Dr. Kim, his chief from anesthesiology, was peeking in, excusing himself and calling for Junmyeon to come outside.

When Junmyeon reached his chief, he found his mom standing next to Dr. Kim, smiling her kind smile as she thanked the chief doctor and greeted Junmyeon.

"I have brought what you requested," she said, showing Junmyeon the box of cake that she was holding.

| • • • |

"Are we waiting for the person here?" Junmyeon's mother asked as she looked around them and back at him. On her hand was one of the tiers from the lunch box she had especially cooked for him, her making sure Junmyeon was not skipping lunch as the reason for her earlier visit.

They were sitting on one of the benches in the small hospital garden outside, away from the prying eyes and listening ears of anybody around them. The sky was clear, although the wind had started to become cooler, something Junmyeon had not noticed by being confined inside the hospital building most of the time. Ornamental bamboo swayed behind them as they watched a therapist walk a patient around in the distance.

"No, I just want to tell you something important first," he answered, watching how worry worked its way on his mother's face. Junmyeon tried to ease it by feeding her some of the side dishes she had made.

"Hey, I did not bring you food for you to feed me!" she scolded, slapping Junmyeon lightly on the arm even if she accepted his offer.

He rubbed the injured area with a playful grimace, saying, "Mom, you still slap like you did ten years ago."

"If you spend more time at home you won't forget that I slap the same," she returned with a touch of her dramatic pouting, easily catching on to Junmyeon's antics. "So what is this important thing you want to tell me?"

Junmyeon met his mom's kind gaze, and knew that if he were to say it, he might never witness it anymore. He tried to calm himself by forcing out a smile, and said, "It's about me and the person I want you to meet."

"It's not Joohyun, is it?" she carefully asked, as if she was hoping her guess was untrue.

"No," he answered. He knew full well how much his parents actually liked Joohyun to be their daughter-in-law, whom they even tried to invite to family dinners a couple of times before.

"Mom, I know that this will hurt you and in turn you'll be disappointed with me because this is not what you wanted. But I have to tell you because it is a step for me to accept and forgive myself for keeping it a secret for so long," Junmyeon paused as he treaded on his words, the fear heightening as worry hiked on his mother's features. He was fully aware what would come out of his confession, but he was done delaying it.

"I am gay, and the person I want you to meet is my boyfriend."

The blowing wind stung his eyes, but nothing hurt more than the shock his mother contained after hearing his words. She remained silent, her gaze searching as if waiting for him to take it back. Her eyes pooled, and Junmyeon refused to blink as he watched her tears fall before him and felt the silent rejection which accompanied it.

He knew he was a huge disappointment to his family, but apologising about it would be betraying himself. Soon, his hand found the handkerchief in his pocket and offered it to his mom. Making the old woman cry was unbearable for him that he could only look away and berate himself in silence.

There was nothing more to say. His hands trembled as he put down the chopsticks and reached for the lid of the box he was holding on his lap. He thought it inappropriate to be eating any more, aside from the fact that he had completely lost his appetite with how his insides felt hollow. He said his thanks and moved to cover the box, but his mom's hand stopped him.

"I understand," she said, her voice muffled by her crying. Junmyeon was in disbelief, his attention still on his lap as his hands gripped the box he was holding. His mother tugged his hand, repeating, "Junmyeon, I understand so let me meet him."

No way. It wasn't easy. It shouldn't be easy. Junmyeon repeated to himself, knowing that though he wanted his mother to accept him, it couldn't have been this easy.

"You know how mothers have these feelings? I don't want to say I know this about you. But I felt it. And I was just so scared if it were true so I didn't ask. The world can be really mean and I didn't want you to suffer because it will hurt me so much," she said, taking the lid from Junmyeon's grip to hold his hand.

"I'm sorry that mom was a coward, Junmyeonie—but I no longer want to be scared for you."

Her voice had always been kind, her hands warm and very familiar, like all those times he'd hold them. Even her reassuring smile which always reached her eyes whenever Junmyeon would look at her was present. This view was something Junmyeon had always treasured about his mom, and even considered not even seeing again after his reveal. But she was there, like always, and this fact made his chest so full that it overflowed through his eyes, his tears generously fell where his sobs soon followed.

"Mom," Junmyeon cried as his vision further blurred from all the tears as he felt his mom dab his cheeks with his handkerchief. Her soft "I'm here" only made him cry harder that she had to pull him into a hug and soothe his back like she always did whenever Junmyeon cried when he was younger.

His crying went on for a while until his mom asked a question which distracted him and gradually calmed him down.

"What is your boyfriend's name?" she softly asked.

"Zhang Yixing."

"Finish your meal first then introduce me to Yixing," she said with finality, giving Junmyeon's back a pat to straighten and urging him to pick up his chopsticks.

Junmyeon didn't know how he managed to eat half of the lunch his mom prepared for him, most of the time they spent together for lunch he just knew he couldn't stop crying and snorting while answering his mother's questions about Yixing—'What does Yixing do?' with 'He is a university student'; 'Yixing is not a minor, is he?! You're not dating a minor, are you?!' with 'No, he's my age'; 'Do you—Are you like… his sugar daddy?' with a cough and a 'Mom! I am not!' followed by her reasoning that it was still possible, considering that Junmyeon was a successful doctor with a decent monthly take-home pay, and finally, Junmyeon's 'He's the one mostly treating me to coffee. Not once did I ever get asked to cover for him on any expenses'; 'Sounds reliable, but very stubborn. Is that why you like him?' with his smile and 'Indeed he is. And I can provide you with more reasons why I do.'

From that first meeting at the café up until Junmyeon asked Yixing out, he tried to tell his mom as they headed inside and towards the NICU.

He had to work up the courage to explain why Yixing was admitted into the unit, and what it meant to be there—that even though doctors knew that each case of traumatic brain injury was to be managed differently, and that for the most part everyone was hoping for the best outcome, it should still be recognised that Yixing might also never wake up again. It hurt Junmyeon by finally saying it out loud, when he thought he had accepted it over the past days.

With her arm looped around his own, his mother was silent after hearing from him. Junmyeon understood this, though, for he himself had never considered introducing Yixing in such a depressing way. He led her before the window to Yixing's room, Junmyeon's newly frequented spot, and introduced the other. Nurse Shon and Baekhyun were inside the room as well, the younger guy crafting something on the table by the side while the nurse was taking care of sticking some pictures on available spaces around the room. 

Junmyeon gestured to the two busy persons and named them for his mom, making Nurse Shon notice their loitering and head outside for them. He briefly introduced the two women to each other, and did not forget to mention their common friend from the OB-GYN department. The connection immediately made the two good acquaintances as they briefly bonded over a small talk about Joohyun.

He handed over the box of cake to Nurse Shon when the nurse offered to put them aside for later, and soon asked about Yixing's parents. Once informed, Junmyeon brought his mom to the assigned quiet room and found the old couple and Jiaer talking. Their sudden appearance sure paused a nice conversation, three pairs of eyes curiously looking at them as Mrs. Zhang immediately stood up from her seat and invited them to come inside.

"Mrs. Zhang, Mr. Zhang, Jiaer, this is my mom," Junmyeon said. "She brought the cake for Yixing." And after waiting for Jiaer to interpret for him, he added, "Mom, this is Yixing's mom, his dad, and Jiaer."

The four exchanged greetings and introductions to each other and soon he and his mom were asked to join them. Mr. Zhang left the couch to get them drinks and gestured for the two women to occupy the vacated seat, while Junmyeon and Jiaer sat on the solo chairs across them. A few pictures were scattered on the table, mostly of a young kid smiling with deep dimples on his cheeks, and Junmyeon did not have to guess that they were Yixing's childhood photographs. 

"Baekhyun asked if we could print out some of Yixing's pictures but most of what I have is at home," Mrs. Zhang told them through Jiaer as she allowed Junmyeon's mom to look at the photos. "Thankfully my husband saved a lot of them on his phone. Yixing would be really surprised if he knew."

Junmyeon was aware of the father and son's relationship. It was Yixing who told him before, that when he came out to his parents, his father was so mad and said things which made Yixing leave their home. A chance to study abroad came and he did not think twice accepting it, but as with most foreign students, living alone caught up with him that after a year and half, Yixing had to temporarily leave his schooling to work and save money for himself. He and his mother eventually reconnected, mostly because of his grandmother who did not stop writing to him, but Yixing had never gotten the chance to reconcile with his father since. 

It was an image of an angry, unforgiving old man that Junmyeon had for Yixing's father since then, Yixing's refusal to talk much about him had Junmyeon filling the unspoken with characteristics that any disappointed and loathsome parent to a gay child would have. But all he saw in Mr. Zhang since he met the old man nights ago was that of a very worried and caring parent. The man had never made Junmyeon feel uncomfortable even though most of their interactions were quiet acknowledgements and small greetings. Sometimes he would offer Junmyeon a can of warm coffee to drink when they'd chance upon each other during Junmyeon's brief visits, but most of the time, he would just silently wait on one of the seats outside and look after his son.

Mr. Zhang returned with two warm cans of tea and offered them to Junmyeon and his mom, while Jiaer moved to give up his seat although the old man soon declined and pulled himself a chair and joined them. The man noticed the photo Junmyeon was holding, and it prompted Junmyeon to ask about the young Yixing on a small toy bike in it as he showed it to Mr. Zhang.

"Ah, this was on his third birthday," answered the man as he showed the picture to his wife and Mrs. Zhang passed it to Junmyeon's mom to see.

"Junmyeonie has a similar picture but it was taken when he was two years old. Yixing's hair was already this thick? My son was almost bald until he was three," his mother volunteered, amusing the couple who soon understood it with Jiaer's help, and effectively warming Junmyeon's ears in embarrassment.

"His grandma soon shaved his hair after that picture was taken so he was also bald," Mrs. Zhang answered. "His father didn't want to get him this toy bike first since he was worried Yixing would fall and hurt himself. But the toy proved useful later on when Yixing barely noticed his hair being shaved clean by his waipo."

Junmyeon smiled at the thought of him and Yixing sharing a similar bald baby biker era, but more than that was the fact that Mr. Zhang was just a fretting father, a thing which Yixing should know. 

When Nurse Shon informed them that the room was ready, Mrs. Zhang offered for Junmyeon and his mom to visit Yixing first. Two visitors were only allowed into Yixing's room at a time and while there weren't much of the team in charge of Yixing around yet, he accepted the chance and brought his mom by Yixing's bedside.

It was Junmyeon's first time seeing Yixing this close after a long time, his eyes wandering and taking in all the details on the other's pale skin. The healing bruises and scabbing grazes; all the connecting lines on Yixing's body that he could only mostly identify thanks to Nurse Shon's colourful labels; and Yixing's unperturbed state amid the machine noises surrounding him. It was different when Junmyeon could watch the numbers from afar and be aware of what was happening through the charts than hold Yixing's cold hand with his and further understand what those numbers on the screens and paper meant personally to him.

Lost chances and unspoken fears filled Junmyeon's silence as he grappled for words for his long overdue greeting. 

"Yixing, it's me, Junmyeon." He took a measured breath as he tried to control the shaking of his voice. "It's your birthday today and I brought my mom to meet you," he said, wanting to add that he had already told her about their relationship, but he thought his words ample when his throat refused to let him speak any more.

His mom carried the rest of the one-sided conversation with Yixing, telling him that he should continue working hard to recover because a lot of people cared and were waiting for him to wake up. It was difficult to deny that his mom's nice words touched him, moving his attention towards the hand he was holding as his vision blurred with tears. Patients would normally just have a plain, white wristband for identification, but Yixing was wearing another colourful band with 'birthday boy' printed on it. Maybe it was to compensate because Yixing couldn't wear a party hat due to his bandaged head, but this bit of detail Nurse Shon had added made Junmyeon smile a little.

Once his mom was done talking, he gave Yixing's hand a gentle squeeze and promised to be back soon. Farewells were exchanged between his mom and Yixing's parents with the former offering help while the latter profusely refused, and Junmyeon was soon hailing a cab outside the hospital entrance with her. 

"Mom, about today—" 

"Next time I visit, I'll cook and bring a lot of food. Make sure Yixing is awake by then to try it, too," she said, smiling softly to Junmyeon as she cupped his cheek. "There's no need to say anything to me. This is just me loving you," she continued, giving Junmyeon a hug and thanking the hospital guard who was holding the cab door open for her.

Junmyeon waited until the cab drove off, watching as it turned to a corner. He pulled out his phone from his pocket and tapped a message for his mom.

'Mom, you're the best' it said, and soon, he got a reply, telling him, 'Like no other. I love you, too' with an additional 'Text me Yixing's favourite food okay?'

| • • • |

When Nurse Shon allowed a small, peaceful celebration, they had a small peaceful celebration. The nurse pushed the overbed table with the cake on it, leading the birthday song for the team inside Yixing's room as soon as the daily round was done. Jongdae joined in the chorus although the singing was muted by the glass window where Junmyeon stood to witness the affair. With at least five specialists present from the team, only Mr. and Mrs. Zhang was allowed inside the room to avoid overcrowding. Jiaer was resting in the quiet room thanks to Jongdae's basic conversational Mandarin skills, while Baekhyun was silently looking into the room next to Junmyeon.

"Your idea of decoration is really nice, Baekhyun," he commented, while they witnessed Jongdae say something to Yixing and his parents, probably something cheesy that it easily made the couple smile.

"Mn. My present, too," the younger unexpectedly returned, gesturing to the dark blue printed blanket on Yixing's bed. It had little printed stars and planets and astronaut cats on it that Junmyeon found quite random and cute.

"He looks comfortable on his bed because of it."

"I think your present is nicer," Baekhyun said after a while which surprised Junmyeon.

"No, it's just something simple. I plan to give it to him once he's awake so he can open it himself…" he trailed off when he turned to look at Baekhyun and was met with a confused expression.

"I meant you brought your mom to see him and to meet auntie and uncle, too," clarified the younger.

"Ah, that. I thought it's high time my mom knows about me and Yixing," Junmyeon provided. Then, "I never considered for their introduction to be this way but I feel like I have lesser chances in the future."

"A good call. It made you seem likeable," Baekhyun muttered, his attention now on Nurse Shon who brought the untouched cake outside the room to be sliced and shared to those who wanted a serving. The team must be children to be trailing behind the nurse like little chicks.

"It's a compliment coming from you, Baekhyun," Junmyeon jibed which made the younger smirk. "You should try out the cake. It's from my mom's favourite shop."

No sooner than Junmyeon's offer was Mrs. Zhang approaching them with a serving of cake. Junmyeon received it, and when the woman gestured to return with Baekhyun's serving, he gave his slice to the younger and politely declined.

"You said this cake is nice but why are you passing it to me?" Baekhyun asked suspiciously.

"The cake is small for the team and I've already tried a lot of it for my past birthdays," he reasoned. "I can just get another for Yixing to try once he is well enough to eat and share it with him."

"You're going all out today, Dr. Kim." Baekhyun took a big bite from the cake after his words that he missed seeing Junmyeon throw him a frown. "Yixing-hyung would probably sulk if he knew you beat him into meeting the in-laws."

It only took a glance at his possibly confused countenance and another bite from the cake for Baekhyun to talk more. Maybe Junmyeon could bribe the younger to be nicer to him by buying and feeding him more sweets.

"He planned to bring you to visit Changsha this week for his birthday. He wanted his grandma and mom to meet you."

"He never mentioned anything," admitted Junmyeon.

"Mn. He had tried to ask you about it after getting the tickets but I guess he didn't manage so he decided to personally see you," Baekhyun supplied as he brought the last bite of the cake into his mouth and stared at the icing on his fingers. "That also didn't end well, that's why we're here—Ah, I need to wash my hand," he added as an afterthought, leaving Junmyeon stunned.

Just when Junmyeon thought the day would end on a good note and would give him even just a bit of time to breathe before his shift, air was once again difficult to keep in with how much his insides hurt. He was reminded of the messages Yixing sent to him that were unanswered, and Yixing's sheepish smile when Junmyeon approached him in the lobby that night. 

Junmyeon had quite a lot of options to choose from back then. He could have picked one of those and things could have been different. He had all those chances, yet still ended up with the least favorable of all that it seemed like all his efforts to rectify things in their current situation amounted to nothing.

| • • • |

It felt like being thrown under the bus right after clocking in when Junmyeon was called to administer an emergency epidural for Joohyun. His brain knew the urgency of the situation but a big part of it preferred to be somewhere else. The Changsha trip with Yixing could have been nice… until he provided himself a mental ovation when he especially chose to prioritise his fellowship over Yixing's attempts at communicating weeks ago.

After discussing the risks involved with epidural and making sure the patient, amidst tears brought by painful contractions, understood, he turned to the partner who was by the bedside and made sure the man understood it as well. It took some time for the patient's partner to warm up enough to be responsive to him because the initial worry was on Junmyeon being a man in a female-dominated field. This rarely happened for the patients on schedule, though, as the OBs, including Joohyun, would be there to introduce Junmyeon as part of the team.

What only made him focus was the fact that once the patient was bending forward, he could no longer see her face and focus on the puncture site while thinking it was Yixing he was giving an epidural to. It wouldn't hurt since there was already a local anesthetic applied to the skin, but being gentle and careful in his field was still a requirement. He fool himself to being sympathetic before, and pretending was a lot of work for him at the moment that he could only be thankful for his thoughts of Yixing to be able to do anything.

"Let me know if a contraction is coming and going so I can give you time to breathe, okay? I need you to keep still as much as possible for this," Junmyeon told the woman who answered with a tearful 'I'll try' and reached for her partner's hand. 

The answer was enough for Junmyeon because he knew, although he was also equally thankful he would never experience, that keeping still was difficult to do during contractions. Fortunately, the resident doctor with him was attentive and offered a pillow and a lot of reassurances to make the patient more comfortable.

"This will sting a bit but let me know if there is a sharp pain," he said as he guided the needle and inserted the catheter into the epidural space. There was a muffled hiss from his patient but it went fine that all Junmyeon needed to do was tape the catheter in place, monitor the patient, and give further instructions in case it was still painful and the woman needed to top-up.

In less than two hours, just before midnight, a healthy baby boy was delivered. And though Junmyeon usually kept quiet to side whenever the OB and nurses would wish the newborn a happy birthday, this time he joined in softly and said it twice—one for the baby, and one for Yixing.

A message from Jongdae came in at 08:20 the next day that had Junmyeon wishing he could get to the NICU sooner:

**Guess who responded and squeezed my hands this morning :D**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This update is all over the place but it is here anyway. I am using this chance as well to remind my readers that greater things are happening outside the fandom and as much as I want to urge anybody reading this to support LIT, I also want to urge you to get educated on world events and support the various movements for freedom and equality. It's Pride Month and there is the BLM movement; various protests fighting for equality in Chile, Japan, Poland, Yemen; the ongoing occupation of Palestinian lands; the Junk Terror Bill movement in the Philippines; these, on top of the global pandemic. I understand that it is overwhelming, but such societal issues need to be talked about and addressed. Once informed, speak out and support the movements in any way you can. It's scary to speak up, but it is more scary to be ignorant and indifferent during this time.
> 
> Also taking this chance to remind anybody that no matter how small my readership is, please don't even try plagiarising any of my works or any other author's works. I am quite aware how plagiarists target unknown authors and works to copy from, I just hope those who still push through with their plans are aware of the consequences. With the current info trend, it is easy to plagiarise anything online and claim as one's own especially in fan fiction, but it is also very easy to find any plagiaristic content and information about any plagiarist online. As Berger said in his Art of Seeing, when you look at something, you should also recognise the fact of being looked at by your subject in turn. Do be mindful and careful.
> 
> I have said a lot! Though I am not done yet! Please join 1001 Tales' current round! I want to read more sulay fic. Also, thanks for reading this chapter update. Feedbacks will be appreciated!


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